Money is such a funny thing for me. I really have no perspective. I am not trying to be cute. I truly have no perspective. I have been poor. I have been really really poor - where I was wondering what I was going to eat and what I was going to feed my kids. I have had my electricity turned off because I couldn't pay for it. I have gone without transportation. I have gone without a home. Oddly, I didn't really mind being that poor.
After I was sober for 10 years, I got a job that has worked out for me. I make a fair wage. I own a nice home - not a mansion, but a nice home. I have stuff. I buy too much stuff. Whenever I talk to my sponsor about this, she says that I work hard and that I get to buy stuff and that I need to let go of the idea that I can't have anything.
But I work with people who earn more money than I do, and have their homes paid off (what?) and have no debt and would no more pay over $200. for a pair of sunglasses than I would pay $200. for a jar of peanut butter. Granted, they are not alcoholics, but I would like to strive to be more like a "regular" person than a drunken person.
Oh, I don't know. I think I am returning the sunglasses tomorrow. It is just stupid to have a pair of glasses (non-prescription) that cost that much money and I don't love.
My son and his wife - and their adorable dog, came over for dinner tonight. How lovely. I made too much food as I always do. My daughter in law seems to have a pregnant penchant for mashed potatoes, so on this hot June evening, I stood at the stove with steam from boiling potatoes in my face, gladly mashing potatoes, adding cream and butter, and mashing, mashing, mashing. She took a bowl of them home with her. She really liked them. (who makes mashed potatoes with real cream? me.)
You should have seen my son and his wife when they saw the tiny hat and booties that I knit for their little baby. Oh, it was worth every stitch.
I think this post is what the psychiatrists would call "loose associations." That is OK. I am tired. I got too few hours of sleep last night. I had far too big of a day today. I had three things to present at a meeting at 11 today. I talked for an hour and fifteen minutes. I do not like talking for that long, but it was good. I got a lot of good stuff done. Before the meeting, I prayed that I would do the best job for the patients - not for me and my precious image and career- but for the patients of the hospital. That makes a difference in the way I feel about things.
To bed with me!