Monday, September 06, 2010

Grateful to be Home.

I am gratefully sitting at my own little desk writing this on a real computer. While I was gone, I was posting from the tent, hiding my iPhone in my sleeping bag so that the light wouldn't wake my sweet seven year old granddaughter who was sharing the tent with me.

Marie left a comment this morning, reminiscing about what it is like to camp in tent when you are drinking. I always remember back to my drunken days when I am camping. Those horrible mornings, coming to, sick as a dog, in a tent. ugh. A hot tent makes any sickness worse, but a hangover has to be the worst. I sure did like to drink while sitting around a campfire at night. I sure didn't like to wake up with the consequences of those drinks though.

Today I am the grandmother. My little granddaughters fought over who would share my tent. My daughter had a larger tent, so she took the 10 year old both nights. My tent barely held me and my tiny beloved M - now with both front teeth gone. No one would have wanted to share a tent with me in the old days. You know, alcoholism comes with some pretty gruesome smells. I can't imagine being cooped up in a small place with a drunk.

OK - enough of that! I am feeling kind of queasy just thinking about it!

We drove all day, stuck in some horrendous traffic for hours, moving inch by inch towards home. Now I have had a long bath, I have lathered my poor feet with Un-petroleum Jelly and have socks on them. I have clean jammies, clean hair, clean teeth and freshly ironed pillow cases on the bed. I will enjoy it, and hope to sleep all night.

I am grateful to be sober. I am particularly grateful that it is "not an issue" with my family. I don't need to talk about my sobriety with them. They just get to experience a sober mother and grandmother. I can thank God for that. But I don't need to remind my family of it. They just think it is "normal," I know it is anything but. Part of living amends to my family is to let them think it is "normal" - they don't need to think about it or worry about me.

I know it is the grace of God. Without which I would be a drunken mess - if I were unfortunate to still be alive.


Syd said...

I get a little quesy myself remembering the smell of the morning after. Not pleasant memories.

dAAve said...

I'm glad y'all made it back safely.
Another sober experience for you.
Just another camping weekend with grandma for them.

Kim A. said...

Camping with my boys gave me so many good memories. I plan on camping with my future grandchildren too, only we will be in a RV. Grandma will need her wi-fi. :-D


Eve said...

Glad you had a great family camping trip, and I do bet that bed felt good last night. Your blog means so much to me.

Her Big Sad said...

Your happiness and joy over the trip and the time with your family just radiate from your post. I'm so glad you had a good time! But I bet that bed felt GREAT!! :)