Monday, September 20, 2010

Verklempt

This is a photo I took while on my 3 miler tonight. It was a walk. A very slow walk. I am still hurting from Saturday. But happy.

So, why am I verklempt? Tonight I left my constant companion - the Starbucks clear tumbler that is always full of ice water - at the church. I was already verklempt when the instructor at Biblical school told the story of Father Maximilian Kolbe. Actually I was trying to hide the fact that I was crying. So when class ended, I quickly packed up my books and left the church. And 10 minutes later realized I didn't have my water with me. I drove back to the church, but it was locked. I will attempt to locate it tomorrow, but I am sadder than a person should be to lose an inanimate object. I have tried to replace it already, but Starbucks is no longer selling this particular cup.

Two people have made amends to me in the last 36 hours. I accept their amends, but sadly, my heart hasn't changed. I still think less of them for what they did. I need to pray about that. One of them is in serious trouble and needs all the friends he can get. Why, when we need all the friends we can get, do we tend to alienate them instead?

But I know what my job is... it is to be his friend no matter how much he disappointed my by his really crappy behavior. I can do that, but it might take a little time.

Only God can change my heart, I am not able, try as I might. But I know he can - if I let him. I think I will.

5 comments:

Syd said...

I think that alienation is easier than being a friend back to someone. Friendship takes effort and perhaps the effort is too much at the moment. Also, self-centered behavior is really about alienation. Just my $0.02 worth.

dAAve said...

... but for the grace of God

Hope said...

Father Maximilian Kolbe's story is incredible.

I hope you get your cup back. There are few things in life I am really attached to but I have a thing for cups.

Amends - thanks for your honesty. I spent so much time denying my feelings and then it took a lot of learning how to acknowledge them yet be willing not to stay stuck in them. I appreciate you sharing the real deal process with us.

Pam said...

OHHHH it's so odd that we need to be reminded of the things we really do know! I have been trying for 2 days to change my "feelings" about a person and I forgot that I don't have the ability to do that. I will ask God immediately.

Scott said...

sometimes verklempt is a good place to be. at least I know I am still feeling,s till truly alive and a part of the things around me. And, I know that this too shall past.