Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I'm really tired...

Oh, who knows why I am taking pictures of my leg... I just did that this morning after my run. My marathon is in 32 days. My local marathon this weekend was postponed indefinitely due to the Four Mile Fire in Boulder.

Training for a marathon isn't that much fun. I am sick of being outside pounding the pavement. I am really really tired. There is no respite in sight. I am still somewhat sick. But I did 3 miles last night, 5 miles this morning, and will do 7 miles tomorrow morning before work.

When I get done with this marathon (if I get that far), I am going to quit running for at least a while. I want to sleep in the morning. I want to not change my clothes more than once a day. I want to stop doing laundry all the time. I am just weary of all of this.

OK, I will stop.

Last night on my run I saw a beautiful young woman standing in her driveway, on her one remaining leg and her crutches. Then I thought - gee, that puts my moaning about running into perspective. This morning I read an article by a woman with MS who says she has phantom running sensations. She is now in a wheel chair and says she can't really remember walking, but she can remember every single thing about running and it is the thing she misses worst in the world.

Did I ever tell you that I never actually participated in a race until I was sober for 3 years? I was 35 years old. I ran the Bolder Boulder - all 10 K of it. With a cigarette and matches in the little pocket of my pink running shorts. Yes, I lit up as soon as I crossed the finish line. People have asked me what the point was of that. There was no point. I wanted to run, and I smoked 2 packs a day. I knew by the time I was finished running 6.2 miles I would need a cigarette. In 1987 that was not a radical idea.

Now I am a 58 year old woman who hasn't had a drink for over 26 years, nor a cigarette for almost 19 years. You know, that is why I am such a big believer in the Grace of God. Left to my own devices, I don't think I could have stayed sober for a day, and I know I could not have gone more than 2 hours without a smoke.

The grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous have enabled me to do all sorts of things I never thought I could.

Maybe like this marathon?


Syd said...

I know that you will take care of yourself. Being so tired and weary of it all signals a bit of burnout--so maybe a break after the marathon is a good thing. Hope you get a good night's sleep.

Anonymous said...

Wow neat! This is a really great site! I am wondering if anyone else has come across something
exactly the same in the past? Keep up the great work!

dAAve said...

Well, I agree with Syd.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

:) sexy leg (hopefully that's not icky, I thought about not writing it, but dang gal you got nice gam and I have fat calves so I covet and celebrate those who dont! (I'm too lazy to run the calves off) ... pray for me.


I love that you found this awesome woman in these meditations and that you are sober and sharing all of the experiences!


YAY Mary Christine!