Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Phone Calls

The phone call used to be the currency of Alcoholics Anonymous. We lived on the phone with one another. I used to spend literally hours on the phone every single day.

Tonight I am wanting desperately to go to bed. I just realized I have two phone calls to return, and I have to return them. I really don't want to, but I have to. One is a sponsee and another is the woman who tried to kill herself a month or so ago. These are important calls. If there was ONE thing I needed to do today, it would be this.

I have a sponsee who texts me when she wants to communicate with me. I find it frustrating in some ways because it seems to be a sort of "cheap" way of interacting. It is passive communication - she doesn't really know if I got her message if I don't answer her. I have tried to explain to her that if I don't answer it is because I didn't read the message. She assumes that if she sent it, I read it. It has led to problems in the past.

My daughter, who is sober 20 months, texts. That is her primary mode of communication. She and her sober friends text each other all day long. They forward messages to one another. They communicate on Facebook.

The sponsee who has been with me for the longest will call - but it is always to plan to meet over dinner. That is how we communicate. It is a much deeper communication - eyeball to eyeball. But we have known each other for a long time and we are quite comfortable with each other.

I guess we all find the way that works best for us.

While I was writing this post, I returned the call to the sponsee, she didn't answer, so I left a message. I called my friend who is still confined (for 35 days now) in detox. She is about to be transfered to a real treatment center. We had a nice conversation. I pray (every single day) she can get sober and stay sober. She is a wonderful woman and I would love to see her get some sobriety and some real life.

"While our literature has preserved the integrity of the AA message, sweeping changes in society as a whole are reflected in new customs and practices within the Fellowship. Taking advantage of technological advances, for example, AA members with computers can participate in meetings online, sharing with fellow alcoholics across the country or around the world. In any meeting, anywhere, AAs share experience, strength, and hope with each other, in order to stay sober and help other alcoholics. Modem-to-modem or face-to-face, AAs speak the language of the heart in all its power and simplicity." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. xxiv


Syd said...

I would rather meet face to face. I encourage sponsees to call but some don't like to talk on the phone. It is a strange thing to me. I don't like texting. Don't see the point in it when it is much better to hear a voice with all its inflections.

marie said...

my first sponsor discouraged my attempts to keep in touch via email and I am glad she did that for me. Face to face is the best. I can have the same conversation with women I sponsor and my own sponsor as I do on the phone and in person and the latter is alway more healing, spiritual, and beneficial. Nice thoughts here.

dAAve said...

Personally, I prefer face-to-face as well. But that doesn't always happen.

Remembering what our primary purposes are, whatever works is pretty much OK by me. As long as it's legal. LOL

Pam said...

I wish I was the type of person who liked talking on the phone. I get a resentment every time it rings (LOL)
I really love the blanket Mary, I think it may be one of your best!

Shay said...

I like texting, if its just random checkin in, and bsin... but for the real deal, I like face to face, coffee at a kitchen table...

Yea technology has changed a lot. communication with my mother has gone up since texting and facebooking became ways of communication... weeeeird

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I love face to face, I'm not in love with phones but they are practical and efficient, so is texting but I've learned to use that for short messages only, not for conversations and not to relate important information.

I do however love all of the ways we communicate the amazing stuff that has happened in light of working in the principles and steps of AA and hearing about God's miracles in peoples lives!

Blogging, online meetings, e-mail, text, phone... and in person.

Kary May said...

From us passive communicators/lurkers: Thanks for being there for us, too

Anonymous said...

I love the blanket. You are a very skilled knitter. I hated texting at first, but as long as it is not the primary or only means of communication I am OK with it. Glad your friend is getting the help she needs. I will pray.

shadowlands said...

I get exhausted talking on the phone lately. I have certain calls I have to make, I call them my 'holy hours'
I really do face them as penance when tempted not to return calls.
I also get resentful if I know I am expected to call certain friends at certain times. You know, that unspoken set of rules that get set up between people? Apart from family commitments, I am rather a loner these days, purely for peace of mind's sake. Otherwise I have to do check lists on who I 'owe' a call to etc. Then there's always the dreaded 'meet up' conversation. Phone calls develop into lunch dates, yuk!! If the person enjoys your company, they want to meet again, and 'not leave it so long next time'
I agree, leave it a lot longer.

Falling out can be freeing. Or maybe I'm just sicker than I realised.

Women seem to feel obliged to talk for longer when someone calls, whereas guys just get to the point and hang up. I come across as rude when I try to be assertive. If I am just about to dish up dinner, and the phone rings, and it's for me, I get freaky looks from the hungry in the house waiting to be fed. That's a whole other ball game of pressure, rarely moaned about enough.

I'm very menopausal today, I have the hip pain to prove it.

And I've lost twenty pounds ( sterling, not flesh, I've gained twenty in that area)!!

I didn't pray yet. I may pop back later in a better mood.

Thank you for allowing me to share that. ;)