Saturday, August 27, 2011

Choices

That car was parked next to me at the grocery store the other day and I thought it was funny.

I have been feeling like a used car salesman lately. Trying to convince people they ought to want to be sober. It is a losing battle, one not worthy of engaging in.

Our Big Book says: "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps." That's a pretty powerful statement right there. IF you want what we have... not let me convince you of why being sober is a wonderful thing. And are willing to go to any length to get it... any length, no conditions, no reservations. Then you are ready to take certain steps... the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Not steps toward healthy self-esteem, not steps of declaring other people wrong and you right, not steps of self-indulgence.

A woman I sponsor texted me last night at 7:30 and asked if I was available. I told her I needed to be in bed in a minute because I had to get up at 3:15 this a.m. She texted me back that she needed more time than that and that she was getting into her car - "either to go to the bar or to an AA meeting" - she'd decide when she got there. Well, I know when I am being manipulated, but I called her anyway. She has been my sponsee for a long damn time and I love her. We talked her way to an AA meeting. We talked a lot. And I made her promise not to drink or kill herself last night.

But she persists in doing something that is endangering her very life. I don't know how to help her. I don't think she even wants help. I think she wants an audience for the train wreck for which she is on a direct course.

Do you think I slept well last night? Nope.

I will leave here in 15 minutes to meet up with my running club... in the shirt from the race last week... and I will be happy to see some healthy, happy people at 5:45 a.m.

Now she is texting me.... Oh I really need the help of God here.

6 comments:

Syd said...

I hope that she finds a way to make the right choice.

Prius repellent--LOL.

Lou said...

It takes patience, straight talk, and experience to be a sponsor. She is lucky to have you. I hope she realizes it soon.

AnyEdge said...

Good on you, Mary, for the dedication. If I had a sponsee that threatened suicide, I'd feel obliged to call an ambulance. Dealing with that is way beyond my expertise as a sponsor. I'd be convinced they needed a mental health professional. But, please don't take that as advice or criticism, as obviously, I know nothing of the situation. Just me thinking out loud about what I'd do in a situation I can actually imagine.

Mary Christine said...

I told her last week she needed to seek professional help. And if I felt she was in imminent danger, I would certainly call 911.

I am not a professional. I am just someone who can share my experience, strength, and hope. Anything more than that is above my pay-scale - and may be practicing without a license!

Pammie said...

I agree.
With everything. Well except for the part about getting up to run..but you know how I am. ;)

April said...

Wow. That is tough. I have a friend in recovery who is like that and my sponsor told me to pray for her desperation as crazy as it sounded. When in desperation we often seek the help we need and not a minute before. Sounds like you are one hell of a sponsor. She is lucky to have you!