I have been feeling like a used car salesman lately. Trying to convince people they ought to want to be sober. It is a losing battle, one not worthy of engaging in.
Our Big Book says: "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps." That's a pretty powerful statement right there. IF you want what we have... not let me convince you of why being sober is a wonderful thing. And are willing to go to any length to get it... any length, no conditions, no reservations. Then you are ready to take certain steps... the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Not steps toward healthy self-esteem, not steps of declaring other people wrong and you right, not steps of self-indulgence.
A woman I sponsor texted me last night at 7:30 and asked if I was available. I told her I needed to be in bed in a minute because I had to get up at 3:15 this a.m. She texted me back that she needed more time than that and that she was getting into her car - "either to go to the bar or to an AA meeting" - she'd decide when she got there. Well, I know when I am being manipulated, but I called her anyway. She has been my sponsee for a long damn time and I love her. We talked her way to an AA meeting. We talked a lot. And I made her promise not to drink or kill herself last night.
But she persists in doing something that is endangering her very life. I don't know how to help her. I don't think she even wants help. I think she wants an audience for the train wreck for which she is on a direct course.
Do you think I slept well last night? Nope.
I will leave here in 15 minutes to meet up with my running club... in the shirt from the race last week... and I will be happy to see some healthy, happy people at 5:45 a.m.
Now she is texting me.... Oh I really need the help of God here.