Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Tuesday a.m.


Did I tell you all that I have a race (half marathon) on Sunday? That it is in a lovely mountain resort town - think Gerald Ford. That it's a girlie race, complete with feather boas, tiaras, and roses? Yes, I am looking forward to this. I am driving up on Saturday and staying in a nice hotel. A bunch of the ladies from the running club are going up, I think we shall have fun.

Do you think some people are just wired to be miserable? I have been working with a woman for maybe 9 months now. She has been sober for more-than-a-few years. She is a very unhappy person. I was terribly depressed for my first quite-a-few years, so I thought I understood. But I am beginning to think I don't. Every thing that I have suggested to her, based on my own experience, has failed to bring her any gratitude or happiness. Not even little glimmers of either. I have gotten so I dread picking up the phone when I see it is her calling. It gets exhausting trying to help her "reframe" things so that she isn't panic stricken, devastated, fearful, and unhappy. We are now meeting once a week and we will get through the twelve steps (not her first time) and I pray it will make a difference in her life.

But it makes me wonder. Even though I have a true case of major depressive disorder, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous enabled me to live happily - most of the time. It is work, because my mind defaults to really unhelpful thinking. But I believe you can train it to get out of that devastating rut. And my own experience is, thanks be to God, that I have been able to do that without the use of medications. I am so grateful for that.

OK, I have got to get out there and do 4 miles before work. What a wonderful thing this is!

6 comments:

Lou said...

LOL..I'm on the same page this morning. I was going to write a post called "quit your bitching" but I though better of it.

dAAve said...

My first thought is to tell her to work with another alcoholic (as in to do some service to another person).

Jeremy said...

I think ultimately it's a choice, and one we don't see until we get our eyes opened. For some, it's comfortable to be miserable because that's all they know & they're too scared or don't have to tools to step out of it.

I pray she does.

doggielover said...

I think that some people may just have a unhappy way about them. I do believe depression can make it worse, but just like there are all kinds of people, there are all kinds of alcoholics. Some are just not happy people and will never be because the work is to much. While some alcoholics can start off really down but by really absorbing the program they learn how to make there lives better. It's a lesson they either get or they don't. We can only lead by example.

shadowlands said...

doggielover said:
"Some are just not happy people and will never be because the work is to much. While some alcoholics can start off really down but by really absorbing the program they learn how to make there lives better. It's a lesson they either get or they don't. We can only lead by example."

What about manic depressives or other mental issues that sponsors aren't trained or required to fix? I think we need to be careful not to judge emotions and personalities as if they were moral issues or the people suffering from them, are slackers. We share our experience, strength and hope yes, but are we then to judge with those same experiences, even if some poor sod doesn't and can't, share them?

Personalities vary. Certain saints acquired sainthood by learning to love the extra mile, now that is hard work yeh?!

Mary C, I do recognise spending time with depressed people has to be measured, especially if it is affecting one's own primary purpose or causing you to dread speaking with her.

I would ask her if she was getting anything from the meetings herself, you could be pleasantly suprised at her response.

Also generally, what are our own expectations of our meetings with others, what do we see as success, our final picture? Do others realise this outcome/requirement? Footwork is all we can put in with others, the outcome belong to God. In the final analysis, we are all His success story to own (hopeFULLy).

Mary Christine said...

Thanks Ros, you are right of course. I probably shouldn't have posted this. I had just gotten off the phone with her.

She greatly appreciates our meetings, and she greatly appreciates our phone calls. I just really worry about her.

She has, and does, apply herself 100% to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.