Monday, August 29, 2011

Eighteen Years Ago - and Today

On this day in 1993, my father drew his last breath. I had been sitting at his bedside for weeks, and I decided I finally had to go home. I had a job and a husband waiting for me. On that morning, I got on a plane from Dubuque, Iowa to Chicago. When I got to O'Hare, I called my sister and heard the news from my brother in law. My dad had died at approximately the very moment when my plane took off. I then got on a plane to Denver. I got home and stayed home. I did not go to my own father's funeral. I had been gone, like I said, for weeks, and needed to get to work. It was hard to miss it, but it was easier too. There was horrible controversy about my dad's final medical care and there was a family split... I consider it nothing less than miraculous that there are no lasting rifts among my brothers and sister. We all get along beautifully now. I got a box of paperwork from Iowa last week and when I looked through some of the legal documents, it brought back some of that anger and pain. But it is long ago. And far away.

On this day, in 2011, my daughter went to the court house with the man she met 6 weeks ago and got married. I didn't see any reason to express my displeasure to her, since the deed is done, so I told her "congrats," "I like him" (which I do) and "please take this seriously." Oh dear Lord. She then posted on facebook that I approved... which I don't. Oh well, who really cares if I approve or not. She is 32 years old - the age I was when I got sober and was going through my second divorce. He has been married once - for 16 years. I cannot imagine how they could think it is a good idea to get married after 6 weeks, but they did. I wish them all the best. Weirder things have happened than happy marriages after a short courtship.

Years ago, I went to the funeral of a beautiful woman, the wife of one of my AA friends. In her eulogy I heard that they had eloped after a very short courtship - some 60 years earlier.

Odds are not good though.

But odds were not good that she would get sober over two and a half years ago, but she did. Odds were not good that I would get sober and stay sober, but I did. Odds were actually not good that either one of us would be alive to have this conversation, but obviously, we are.

If I had gotten MY WAY in this life, it would be a miserable little picture of a crappy little life. But one day in 1984, I turned my will and my life over to the care of God (as I didn't understand him) and nothing has been the same since.

So, I shall just pray for the best and know that the best can happen - without my consultation or help.


Syd said...

I wish them the best. Whatever happens, it will be up to them to sort it out. I often wonder what the need is to be married in this age. It seems like a legal nightmare if things go wrong.

Annette said...

You are a wise and inspiring mama. I love the way you handled this. My daughter went to the jail to marry her love. I think I said something like, "Oh." lol

dAAve said...

I hope they let it work. Letting a child experience their own journey must be quite difficult at times. But recovery allows that to happen, eh?

Let's just keep on trudging today. OK?

Lou said...

Well, at least they weren't high when they got married. (Obviously I've learned to look for the positive in any situation;) When my son was living in squalor with his love, they had a mock "marriage" ceremony. I wasn't invited.

I could relate to the rift. My mother and her 4 siblings are still in a legal battle over their mother's assets, and she died 13 years ago. How very sad..

Pammie said...

sigh < that was full of knowing and love.

Personally I belive in short courtships.

Mary LA said...

Sending love to your daughter and you.

Jeremy said...

That's a beautiful prayer and I think an outlook we all strive for, I know I do.

Thank you for sharing!

susanm said...

For us , in early sobriety, love is a pretty risky thing, and it is too bad. The love coin has two sides, one that takes us up, and the one that takes us down. I hope your daughter has the first step. As long as she holds onto that, her powerlessness over alcohol( and other drugs too), she is in for quite an adventure. I remember I took some real risks in early sobriety, and I made it through, thanks to God's grace, humor and love. Mary Christine, I enjoy your posts because they are real. Life on life's terms. What else is there? Love and happiness to you on this day, in this moment.xoxxo