Friday, May 11, 2012
It's Friday Again
Today I have another contentious meeting at 10:00 a.m. I will just put one foot in front of the other and get through it. And then I have a weekend.
I wanted to say something about yesterday's post. I regret if I gave the impression that you need to have a prescribed horrible bottom to get to AA and successfully stay sober. When I got sober, I considered myself a "high bottom," but after a few years, I came to believe that term was meaningless for myself. On the day I got sober, I woke up in a nice house, with my husband and three kids. I was a stay-at-home-mom, and had pretty much everything I wanted. Except peace of mind, except the will to live, except the ability to go through a day without a drink. I was so full of self-loathing that I couldn't bear to go through one more day. This is what I call a bottom. Not the amount I drank, or the circumstances of my life - but the inner despair.
The world feels like a dangerous place to me today. I am sick of being sought out for discussions about current affairs. I am a religious person. That does not make me narrow minded, bigoted, or stupid. It does not mean I have never thought about things. It does not mean that I don't love people or that I refuse to understand their feelings.
As I said, I will put one foot in front of the other and get through the day. By the grace of God I woke up sober today and plan to go to bed that way tonight. And that, my friends, is nothing short of miraculous.