Then I went to the meeting with four people I complained about to their bosses last week. Needless to say, they were not exactly delighted to see me! I prayed up a storm on my way in. The meeting was uncomfortable - maybe one of the most uncomfortable hours I have ever endured - aside from being in labor, or getting a root canal. But I lived through it and at the end, two women who have been rather hostile to me invited me to lunch with them! We had a nice time, just eating and chatting like human beings instead of worker bees.
I left the restaurant feeling very relieved and happy. I called my sponsor as I was driving home from work. We somehow got on the subject of early sobriety and having overwhelming problems that our sponsors helped us deal with. She talked about a $50. utility bill she couldn't pay. She called her sponsor thinking she would loan her the money. Instead, her sponsor told her to call the utility company and tell them she couldn't pay, and make an effort to work something out. She was surprised and delighted when they were willing to take a smaller payment. I had a similar experience in my first year of sobriety. I couldn't make my car payment. My sponsor told me to call them. I thought "yeah, great, Bill W. could call his creditors back in the 1930s, but this is 1984, and I owe money to GMAC, they are not going to want to hear my tale of woe." But I called them and imagine my surprise when they made payment arrangements with me! GMAC!
Baby steps lead to great strides. I had to walk into that meeting that terrified me yesterday - and I got to the other side of it. I feel like I moved forward about 1,000 miles yesterday.
And going to my old workplace was extremely good for me. I walked into the CEO's conference room and just sort of shuddered. I had spent so many hours of my life in that room. In the last few years, they just were not pleasant. It was good to remember that.
So, I am stepping out in faith again today. I know God will hold me in the palm of his hand as I trudge forward. I am grateful.
I am also grateful for your kind comments yesterday. I felt kind of bad when I got them because writing that I am going to stop blogging is not a thing to do unless I am really going to stop. Yesterday I thought I would. Today I feel like myself again.