Saturday, April 22, 2006

Fellowship

I love the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. It has been a great couple of days with my sponsor and her husband being here. Went out for dinner after the meeting on Thursday. It is glorious to sit with my sponsee and my sponsor and know that all is well - I just fit somewhere in the mix, neither the top of the pile or the bottom. Just a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Yesterday when I got home from work, Maureen and Tony and Peter were here. For someone who has lived alone for a long time, this is a pretty neat experience. We went out for chinese and sat in the restaurant and talked and laughed and it was just so normal and so fun.

Sitting next to a man was so nice, I really thought about the fact that I have not been on a date for very close to a year. It was the first weekend in May last year - and I went to church with a man! That was our first and only date.

My last serious relationship was such a disastrous fiasco I am really scared. And this isn't even the drunken cowboy who I still love so much. After him there was a man who seemed to be perfect. He was 15 years sober (I had 20 at that time), he was very active in AA, and very spiritual. Very handsome. Very tall. Had a masters degree (just like me!) And we fell madly in love. We had the approval of our groups, our friends and our sponsors. Within 2 months, I had a diamond ring on my left hand. It only stayed there for 6 days. Six days. In Six Days he turned into a lunatic. Screaming at me. Acting insane. Told me the TV was talking to him, etc. I RAN FOR MY LIFE. And I no longer trust my judgment.

It might be time to come out of my self-induced seclusion. I will be praying about this. I want only God's will. Really. It was just so nice to sit next to Peter at the restaurant last night, it really made me think.

Gosh, this post sure isn't what I intended for it to be. Once again, on the weekend, low readership... probably a good thing to spill my guts over the weekend.

9 comments:

dAAve said...

Ahhh, but I read it.

Have a wonderful Colorado weekend.

Davey's Girl said...

I just found your blog. Thanks for talking about Alcoholics Anonymous. My husband, an alcoholic, used to attend meetings and though I have been trying to persuade him to start again he hasn't. Your post, about a husband and wife attending together encouraged me to find a babysitter this evening so we can attend, together, the meeting he used to go to every saturday. Maybe he will be more willing if I attend with him.

BigSkymAAck said...

Low readship on weekends!!! It appears that people will read at anytime. And someone may get helpin forms we don't even think about. Like the previous comment I will be praying for them. I understand running for your life I did that a couple years after I moved here. Then I decided that God would have to handle this for me and he did. 10 years later it is still good.
FAEA

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Relationships.........with men........what is that? I haven't a good one yet.
I see you,
JJ

Sober Chick said...

I am in Love with AA fellowship too. I get to meet wonderful people such as yourself.

WOW, what an experience you had with your last relationship. Looks like there are many weekend readers in the making here!!!

Trudging said...

It sounds great

Da Gal said...

Mary Christine - I like how you tell the story and share the message. You really have the fellowship inside of you.

I like your point about just fitting in - not at the top of the heap or the bottom, just somewhere within.

I have tossed aside my right to vote on my personal dating relationships as well. I gave that over to some very well trusted friends 3 years ago. Been single ever since and prolly always will be.

Take care.

Sera said...

I'm very sorry to hear about the engagement fiasco. Unfortunately I am not surprised by your story as I've heard of many like it. For what it's worth I have been known to be able to make very accurate hunches about the men my girlfriends are interested in. So If you ever want my 10c on your latest interest I would be more than happy to oblige. It can't do any harm and you can always ignore what I say. My generally always encourage my sponsees to be very wary of dating AA men. Meaning they could be full of c**p regardless of how long they have been sober. My guess is that it would be good for you to go out on 'getting to know you' dates with non alcoholics as a 'practice run'. And then work up to dating in earnest. My guess is that it would actually be very bad for you to continue not going on dates of some sort. In the meantime, exercise is excellent for morale and I always tell sponsees to join the gym and book a course of personal training in order to learn how to use it. There I go again! Chucking in my 10c regardless! Sorry for rambling!

AAwoken said...

Beautiful post.

My first date with my wife was to church. I had just gone out after some time in the program. She probably thought I was quite the guy. I think I was going to ask God for help. It took me eight years to get that help.

I think I'll post on this topic.