I love the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. It has been a great couple of days with my sponsor and her husband being here. Went out for dinner after the meeting on Thursday. It is glorious to sit with my sponsee and my sponsor and know that all is well - I just fit somewhere in the mix, neither the top of the pile or the bottom. Just a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Yesterday when I got home from work, Maureen and Tony and Peter were here. For someone who has lived alone for a long time, this is a pretty neat experience. We went out for chinese and sat in the restaurant and talked and laughed and it was just so normal and so fun.
Sitting next to a man was so nice, I really thought about the fact that I have not been on a date for very close to a year. It was the first weekend in May last year - and I went to church with a man! That was our first and only date.
My last serious relationship was such a disastrous fiasco I am really scared. And this isn't even the drunken cowboy who I still love so much. After him there was a man who seemed to be perfect. He was 15 years sober (I had 20 at that time), he was very active in AA, and very spiritual. Very handsome. Very tall. Had a masters degree (just like me!) And we fell madly in love. We had the approval of our groups, our friends and our sponsors. Within 2 months, I had a diamond ring on my left hand. It only stayed there for 6 days. Six days. In Six Days he turned into a lunatic. Screaming at me. Acting insane. Told me the TV was talking to him, etc. I RAN FOR MY LIFE. And I no longer trust my judgment.
It might be time to come out of my self-induced seclusion. I will be praying about this. I want only God's will. Really. It was just so nice to sit next to Peter at the restaurant last night, it really made me think.
Gosh, this post sure isn't what I intended for it to be. Once again, on the weekend, low readership... probably a good thing to spill my guts over the weekend.