Sunday, February 11, 2007

500th Post

This is my 500th post on this blog. And to think I started this blog just to communicate with one blogger - I wanted to talk about AA and my alcoholism - and didn't want to do that on my "other" blog. I intended to delete this blog in a day or two but instead I just kept going... and going... and going.... And, I have posted on my "other" blog only once in the last year. And this blog and the wonderful people I have met (some in person, some on the phone, and some only through e-mails, their blogs and comments) means more to me than words can say.

Yesterday I got to Clement Park and started to run, and I felt like crap. But I kept going... and going... and going... and I ran 13.1 miles!!!!! The distance of a half-marathon!!! I was slow, my average pace was over 11 minutes per mile, but I did it. I smiled when other runners would sprint past me on their one, two, or three mile runs... and thought: you go ahead, I am 55 years old, and I am going to run 13.1 miles today. In the last 10th of a mile, I had an emotional breakdown of sorts and just sobbed - and I didn't care who saw me. God is so good to me. I cannot believe the life I have today.

On July 24, 1984, I went to my first AA meeting. I desperately wanted to quit drinking, but I wasn't sure I wanted what you all had. I thought everyone was being phony and acting happy in order to impress ME (because it is all about me). But I kept going... and going... and going... and I realized that they were not acting, and soon I became one of those "phony" happy alcoholics and I still am! Today, 22 and a half years later, I realize that without AA and my sobriety, I would have nothing. Nothing. I would probably not be alive, and if I were, I would probably be an old hag at the bar with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, and with flesh that is years past being lovely on full display... trying to pick up young men.

Thanks to a loving God and Alcoholics Anonymous, today I am someone who can hold her head up in the world. I can go to church and not be concerned about the roof's integrity. I can go to work and be a "worker among workers", I can be a neighbor in my neighborhood, and I can be an AA member and a sponsor and a sponsee. These are the things I value and none of this is anything that I even aspired to!

"We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension." -- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 53

11 comments:

Pam said...

oooo..I am so happy that you continued with this blog. I look forward to reading it everyday. I know that I would have been sitting on the bar stool next to you....arm wrestling for the last available man in the joint! Teh program truly is a way to re-define ourselves in ways we never thought possible! Thanks for being out there.

mAAry-AAnne said...

What a wonderful post, so filled with gratitude. That quote is one of my favorites. It reminds me that I am one among many, neither less than, nor better than.

Grace said...

Great post for your 500th, I hope I get this far :-)

dAAve said...

WHEW!!

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

500? 22 and half?

Wow. I'm just beginning and met the wonderful people mostly thru blogs and comments and LINKS!

Scott said...

I love how all the various accounts of Christ's life are just a little different, told in a different perspective, kinda kool....

I am just so proud of ya, and blown away by your running. Congrats on the 13.5 miles today. I know I would've had some sort of breakdown for sure, myself, something like a flat tire no doubt!

anyhow, awesome, good for you! I love those workouts that start in pain and fatigue and just somehow keep going until they feel so good I don't want to stop! I love those, and thanks for inspiring me MC!

Diego said...

Hurray! that's awesome MC. I'm evious. Tonite I'm going to get on my bike no matter what....

BigSkymAAck said...

That is two tremendous acomplishments in one day. If I had done a half marathon I probably would have had a breakdown myself. I could have one at a one mile run.
500 post is a lot of writting, that is being committed. It is nice to know that everyday I can go and ead about what is going on in your life.
FAEA

lushgurl said...

MC, what another incredible post! I look forwardto reading about your life and draw comfort from the very fact that you "do stuff' that today I only dream about.
Thanks for BEING XOX

Christine said...

you can't see me but I smiled thru this whole post
you are a miracle my dear

Scott W said...

What a super feel good post. Thanks for helping me stay sober today.