Night watch was wonderful last night. Before we went to Night Watch, we went to a 5:30 meeting. There was a drunk man there who is about to lose one or both of his feet from frostbite. He is homeless and fell asleep in a snowbank. Although he is homeless and beat up, I could see a young man under that filth, beard, and hair. I hope to God that he can recover. Last night he really wanted to. Two of the men took him to the hospital. I will be praying for him, and thanking God for men like the ones who took the time to load him into their car and care for him.
I am so grateful for the program and fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Yesterday morning at the 6:30 meeting, I recalled a time in sobriety when I had a health scare. I drove straight from the doctor's office to church. As I sat in the church, I was planning my funeral! I was thinking the AA people would take about half the church, my work friends the other, and I decided they really needed more seating to contain all the people who would turn out to mourn my passing!!! (oh the grandiosity of alcoholics sometimes.) Then I recalled a time when I was 21 years old. In the ravages of alcoholism. I had decided to kill myself. I was writing a suicide note. What stopped me from carrying through my plan? When I realized that my body would not be found until my rent was late enough for my landlord to come into my apartment. What a dreadful thought. It still makes me shudder to think of that kind of aloneness, the aloneness that results from a life where you hurt everyone who loves you. What a difference a few years and being sober makes. Thank you God.
"Such is the paradox of AA regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 49