Yesterday after I got home from church, I stayed home all day! I only talked to 3 people on the phone. I didn't talk to my neighbors, I didn't go to a 5:30 meeting. I didn't do anything I usually do. I wanted to take a day to be really quiet, and I was. Last night I actually slept for nine hours, and today I feel ready to get back in there!
At the Thursday night meeting last week, a friend who has been sober for 30 years brought me a tape of some old guys I love. They are all now deceased. Annette and I did not know each other in the "old days", but we knew many of the same people. So, I have listened to this tape over and over and over again. It is just marvelous to listen to these old guys, sober so long, so wise, talking about going off to World War II, talking about their grandfather's mule, etc. It was a different time. I didn't realize until I listened to this tape how much things have changed since the sober folks of this generation have mostly gone. This tape was made in 1990, which seems like yesterday, but it is actully 17 years ago!
One of the most wonderful moments in the tape is at the end. They all say the Lord's Prayer together, and when they are done, they say "Keep coming back, it works." That's it. Keep coming back, it works. Not "IF you work it," not "it sucks if you don't," not "so work it cuz your worth it." Not any of that self-will stuff. Just "it works."
If our sobriety was really dependent on our "work" I think we would all be drunk. How much ability to "work" this thing do we have when we get to AA all shakey and scared - and yet still full of ourselves? Not much. But thanks to a loving God, we stick around and start doing what they tell us to do, and miracle of miracles, we stay sober for a day, a week, a month. Months turn to years, and years turn to decades. Decades turn into a sober and worthwhile lifetime. I could not "work" for this, I can cooperate with God's plan, but I cannot create it! Thanks to a loving God, I get to live sober today and that is indeed miraculous!
"The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!" -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 153