Sunday, June 10, 2007

Sunday Morning

And time for one of my long winded posts. In a minute, as soon as the motrin kicks in, I am going to head out of here to hike up Green Mountain and once I get to the flat part on top, I am going to run. It should be great fun.

Let me preface this next topic by saying that this is NOT political. Really. I am talking about MY reaction to something. Yesterday, I was dinking around with my site meter, and looked at a search that someone found me by, and found a whole host of articles, blog entries, and youtube videos about the President drinking again. There was a spate of articles yesterday apparently because he drank a non-alcoholic beer at the G8 summit - there were photos. That gave me a bit of a chill.... but then there were videos of a President Bush slurring his words and sounding extremely inebriated. Those brought back some of the worst feelings I have had in my life. I sat here in disbelief and in fact, I am hoping against hope that the videos were slowed down so that it would appear that his speech was slurred and drunken sounding. (I would also imagine that if all of my waking moments were filmed, I might appear to be insanely drunk at times, or at least just insane - and I can assure you I have not touched a drop of alcohol since July 24, 1984.)

Growing up in an alcoholic home is extremely traumatic - I know I don't have to tell anyone that. My father was a terrible, terrible alcoholic. My mother was also an alcoholic, but a binge drinker, so I wasn't subject to much trauma around her drinking. My father, on the other hand, was a daily drinker, and didn't go to bars. He stayed at home and got drunk every single day of my life until one day in April of 1965 when 2 men came to our home to talk to him. Those two men were members of Alcoholics Anonymous. My father got sober that day and stayed that way for 10 years. Our family life was completely transformed. My father was a wonderful, kind, intelligent, funny, soft-spoken man I loved and admired greatly - when he was sober.

Then came July 17, 1975 - I called my Dad in the middle of the afternoon for some reason and he answered the phone DRUNK! After 10 years of sobriety! He never did talk much about how this happened, but he did tell me after I got sober "resentment really IS the number one offender." His visits to my home became nightmarish events.... recalling so many horrible moments from my childhood. Going out for dinner with him was like russian roullette, you never knew what you were going to end up with. Even after I started drinking, I still found his drinking so upsetting. At least I didn't fall down in the street, pass out in my soup, hit my head on the toilet, etc., etc., etc.....

Since I have been in AA, I think my father has been my greatest teacher. He never did sober up again, and he lived for another 17 horrible painful degrading years. I do not ever want to do what he did. I do not ever want to put my children and grandchildren through that. I do not want to put myself through it either!

So, seeing this President - like him or not, he is the leader of the free world - appearing to be drunk was a nightmare right out of the primordial ooze of my psyche.

And also a reminder of the fact that we are all only sober today. Long term sobriety is good, I like it a lot, but we all know people who have started drinking after long periods of sobriety - it CAN and DOES happen. I have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. The big book warns that if we fail to enlarge our spiritual life, we will drink again, and with us, to drink is to die.

Let's all stay sober today, Okay?

"The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, 'Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grant the wind stopped blowin?" -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 82

14 comments:

lushgurl said...

Wow you brought tears to my eyes, and old memories too. I have been sober for up to seven years, twice. I do know first hand how quickly I can take back my own will, and that is why I am so grateful to always remember that TODAY is all I really have...
Together we can do what I could not do alone...
Love ya MC- as always

Pam said...

darlin...I'll stay sober with you today!

Ann P. said...

I can sure understand your reaction...it shocks me to the core and upsets me a lot when people with long-time sobriety have a slip. But I've also heard lots of unfounded AA rumors and gossip over the years. There is so much pure hatred for our president that I don't pay much attention to lurid headlines and rumors that keep circulating about him. At any rate, I'm with lushgirl and Pam...I'll stay sober with you today. With a little extra appreciation and gratitude....and a prayer for George W.

Scott W said...

I will if you will. That's kind of like showing you mine if you show me yours?

I saw the pictures of the alleged non-alcoholic beer. We all know that stuff has some alcohol in it. And W has exhibited the behavior of a dry drunk. If you won't play his way he pouts and takes his toys away. I really hope he hasn't drunk, but if he has it would be no surprise to me.

We all know people that have relapsed after long term sobriety. It is sad and it scares the shit out of me. We have to be on guard every day.

dAAve said...

I have absolutely NO plans on drinking any alcohol today. I am doing things and being places that would preclude that behavior. That does not mean that I can't change my plans.
What I WILL do is not only maintain my spiritual life, but try to push it forward.
Thanks and enjoy your stay at the top of the mountain.

recoveryroad said...

I could, perhaps love Dubya as a fellow alcoholic. I despise his 'politics' and lies.

I'm aware mostv of my blog readers are from the US. Best I keep my thoughts about the US and foreign policy to myself.

Good post though. Thanks.

LAS said...

I just stumbled on your blog as I was searching for other sober people blogging...I've been sober only 18 months and have been struggling lately...I am glad I found you and look forward to perusing your posts! I've been blogging myself since last fall, about getting sober, surviving breast cancer at the age of 29 (during my incredibly painful first year of sobriety).... Just as I've been thinking I can't keep going, it's too painful, I am reminded that anything is possible if I just stay sober today!! Thank you!!

jrhighpeteacher said...

Ah, MC. Your blog is touching today. I don't care who it is. We definitely only have a daily repreive. I remember in the 80s people drinking ODouls or some such, and having discussions about if we could do that. 1% alcohol...is still alcohol. I have a girl I sponsor who drank cooking vanilla...!

Today is AA's birthday. 72 years. It's still one day at a time.

I'm sorry for your history with your Dad...but you are one lady who has worked the steps, and is a shining example that AA works.

After 28 years, I know that I have to be on guard for some slip in my head...A drink never comes looking like a drink. Usually it starts with a resentment, but I am always caught off guard when I think of drinking...like where did THAT come from?

Today is the day we don't drink, take our inventory, thank God, stay honest with our sponsors...

Thank God that Bill and Bob got together.

jrhighpeteacher said...

Ah, MC. Your blog is touching today. I don't care who it is. We definitely only have a daily repreive. I remember in the 80s people drinking ODouls or some such, and having discussions about if we could do that. 1% alcohol...is still alcohol. I have a girl I sponsor who drank cooking vanilla...!

Today is AA's birthday. 72 years. It's still one day at a time.

I'm sorry for your history with your Dad...but you are one lady who has worked the steps, and is a shining example that AA works.

After 28 years, I know that I have to be on guard for some slip in my head...A drink never comes looking like a drink. Usually it starts with a resentment, but I am always caught off guard when I think of drinking...like where did THAT come from?

Today is the day we don't drink, take our inventory, thank God, stay honest with our sponsors...

Thank God that Bill and Bob got together.

Scott said...

whew, a chilling tale to be sure MC, I am sorry that you, your dad and your family had to go through this awful disease.... I hope that GWB isn't drinking again... Or, hasn't been drinking this entire time...

Thanks for the reminder (however painful) of how awful our disease can be.

sober Chick said...

Hi MC. Is the president a recovering alcoholic? Hmmm.

I did not know this about your father. WOW. I met a woman last week that went out after 10 years. She said her pride kept her from coming back. However she managed to make it back with 31 days of sobriety.

I enjoyed what you had to say. It reinforces what I heard this morning and at this time I need to hear the message over and over again. Yesterday is done and it cannot keep me sober today. However today I must do what I can to keep sober. It feels wonderful to be sober today and connect with those that share the same gratitude.

Muah!

JJ said...

I have several thoughts on what you wrote but the FBI might show up at my house if I say them.

Wednesday night I will be at Fenway Park watching the Sox play Colorado - 4 rows back from the dugout. Can't wait!
oxoxox
JJ

Shannon said...

MC I love you I wish I could give ya a big ol hug! I hope and am almost sure you had a great day, with your hike and run. I did too. And I plan on staying sober for sure!

Meg Moran said...

thank you for this amazing post, and for sharing your memories. We ALL can learn from them. Love to you today, and prayers for Dubya.