I went to the 6:30 meeting this morning. For some reason, I sat like an old curmudgeon this morning and nearly everything pissed me off.
The meeting started with a woman who has not been sober very long - talking about going to a party tonight - where there will be lots of booze. And she is looking forward to showing everyone that she is sober! She is impervious to the temptations of booze!
And everyone said "oh, goodie goodie for you".
I said "the big book says we are neither cocky nor are we afraid." That if all the people who GOT sober in that meeting were still sober, we would have to hold the meeting at Mile High Stadium.
Maybe I have seen too many people go out recently. Maybe I am disturbed by the woman I sponsor who is lying again. She is drinking - and still going to meetings, and still talking to me. She is in her 60s, has a bad heart and a bad liver, I do not want to go to her funeral.
I am sober by the grace and perfect mercy of God. That's it. I am more grateful than words could begin to say. I wish everyone who got to AA was done drinking. I wish everyone who was done drinking could realize that they are out of good ideas. I wish everyone who was done drinking had already lost everything they needed out of their lives in order to stay sober. But that, unfortunately, is not always the case.
So I will go out and run this morning and by the time I have run 8 miles, I won't be worried and frustrated anymore. I will be a happy girl.
"If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that some day we will be immune to alcohol." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 33
7 comments:
Amen Sistah!!!!!
I have a friend, an old drinking buddy, who has a horrible liver and was facing certain death because of this disease. She recovered miraculously and was sober for six months and called me the other night drunk. Again. It is so hard to watch someone die from this disease. It difficult to listen to the pain and anger inflicted by this disease. It is a blinding disease that destroys our vision of God's grace and hope. I am heartsick and completely frustrated with her. I want to run. My sponsor told me I might want to prepare myself.
I don't know why I'm writing this except to find some sort of hope. Maybe God has a plan B. Maybe when one of us is lost, something, someone else is found? I am glad for the line "more shall be revealed".
Some times, as my sponsor says, all we can do is pray for them.
I feel ya. Humility is the root of all good. Hubris is the root of all evil. And that fact gets played out time and time again.
You inspire. Thank you.
God bless and enjoy the weekend.
that stuff we hear, the peeps we meet inmeetings can frustrate us sometimes... but, at least they keep us sober!
DearMary,
Did you know that Jesus Christ died on a cross, for your sins?
I, MICKY, AM A GIFT FOR ALL PEOPLE!!
No reservations here!! Thanks for your wise words. I need to hear them and often.
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