Sunday, February 17, 2008

Snowing

I was sitting in a 6:30 meeting this morning, and looked out the window and saw (another) freaking blizzard. My plan for today WAS to go to the meeting and then run for the first time since February 6. But it is snowing.

So I went out for a bagel with the girls. We took up the whole back room of a bagel joint. It was so nice. I think there were 12 of us there.

So here is my question du jour. A woman who has been in and out and in and out and in and out over the last three years has been doing very well for about the last month. She looks and sounds different than she did - you know that magic you see in a person... it is wonderful. Another woman recently drank and was talking about her fear about raising her hand and being honest about her relapse. The older "slipper" told her not to worry about what others thought, and said "F*** them if they can't take a joke." Another member, sober now 6 years and the self-appointed expert on any subject, who annoys me a little more each day, got all over her. Told her that Alcoholism isn't a joke and she should stop thinking it is.... on and on... she browbeat this poor woman. Another older woman and I intervened on her behalf -but the other person would NOT drop it.

So on the way out of the restaurant I wanted to talk to Ms. 6 years-expert-of-the-world and tell her to stop browbeating newcomers. My friend encouraged me to do so. But I thought I better sit on it for at least a day. I am tired and not really in the best place, I am not sure I would be able to deliver this message with love. In fact, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to.

Why can't we just be loving of one another? Why can't we just let newcomers be who they are? Why can't we just be on the same level playing field? No one is the expert in AA... we are all just sober, by the Grace of God, for today. Period. Why do we have to lord it over others?

In the words of one of my favorite philosophers:
"Can we all get along?"
Rodney King - May 1, 1992

30 comments:

Zane-nawwaa said...

Remover her pedestal and she'll come down to earth.

Anonymous said...

I think you were wise to leave it alone..for now anyway, when you're tired, etc. "When in doubt, don't" is a pretty good motto, I've found....
AA love, Ann P.

Scott W said...

You would definitely want to deliver the message with love, so being in a tired place might not be the time. But I think anyone that browbeats someone that is showing such promise should be told that their criticisms might do more harm than good. If our motives are coming from a loving place then they are usually right on.

Sometimes we need others to show us that our well intentioned actions are really inappropriate.

Pam said...

If you jumped into the sqabble and made your feelings known, then i don't know how more could be accomplished by directly confronting the woman. If she was sitting there, then she knows how you feel.
Of course that could just mean that she won't browbeat new comers in front of you...but will continue to do so when you are not present.
BUT.....AA is made up of all different kinds, that are going to behave the way they want to.
You are such a defender of the underdog, and you know this.
The other woman is probably some one who takes advantage of the underdog.
You can't change that.
MY OPINION?? Hell I don't know girl, I think you are always right, so do what feel is right.
Little crowder pea

dAAve said...

I have learned sooooo much from Mr. King.

Pam forgot the "u" in squabble.

Pam said...

thak yu dve

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dAAve said...

Hey Mickey, it's GREAT to hear from you. I thought maybe you had slipped away into a huge crevice in the Pacific Ocean.
Maybe next time.

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