After careful consideration, much prayer, and two sleepless nights....

I have decided to continue blogging.

Blogging has been, for the most part, a very positive thing in my life. It has, for the most part, had a positive impact on others. As a result of blogging, I have met others who I absolutely love - not in that generic "I Love Everyone" way, but in the way I really love the few people in my life I truly love.

In my life, I have often cared much too deeply about others' opinions of me. When I first started blogging I wondered if I had the stomach for the mean spirited comments. I still wonder. I would like to say though - there are lots of blogs out there, if I read them and don't like them, I move on. I don't keep coming back and leaving crappy comments. Could you please do me the same honor? I don't expect everyone to like me or my blog, but just move along if you don't.

My blog has always been deeply personal. That has been my choice. But sometimes it has seemed to be a crazy choice. My trip to Vegas brought a lot of visitors to my blog who left what I considered offensive comments. Imagine writing about visiting the Cathedral and having someone come by and say "enjoy SIN city!" yeah. Or writing about my son's wedding and having advertisements for lawyers who can get me off from any drug charge. That makes me sick. I know that I take things too seriously, it is my nature. On a good day, things might roll of my back, but not lately.

Our blogging fellowship has changed. Just like my meetings. It causes me profound sadness. I cannot be sanguine about this. I miss people terribly. I have real flesh and blood relationships with some other bloggers. They are more than words on my monitor. They are actually people. And I miss them. I will especially miss Pammie. That is why when I read that she was quitting, I thought I was ready to throw in the towel.

But I guess I wasn't. I will continue.

Because:

• I love to write and consider it an honor that someone might want to read what I write
• I have on many occasions been able to answer the plaintive e-mail of a drunk looking for help - and consider it an honor to be able to steer them to their local AA meeting
• A belief that God can be present in this medium... we touch each other and I think God can always be present in that
• Your blogs teach me about other lives, other hemispheres, other perspectives - I would never know otherwise
• I feel an obligation to have some sort of web-presence for something akin to an AA message - not distorted by rehab-speak or some voodoo religion - and there is a scarcity of it - and the more bloggers who write about it, the better
• The relationships - I know we say we will keep up with each other as we leave, but it is my experience that is seldom true. There are many of you who mean so much to me. I want to stay.

I want to stay. That is the bottom line.

Thank you for so many kind comments. And thank you for being a part of my life for the last four and a half years.