Tuesday, May 15, 2007

5 Days

Until my half-marathon. I am getting quite nervous. I still don't know what I am wearing - which is a big mistake to make. I have run with a jacket for all of these months of training... I forgot that on May 20 it is likely to be at least in the 60s and I need to wear a singlet, no jacket, and a pair of compression shorts (with no pocket). So I have no pocket to put my car key and my gel in. I can stick them in my bra, but that probably isn't the most comfortable thing to do. I hope to figure this out today.

Yesterday I got to have lunch with my old friend who now lives in Montana. It was great to see him. We sat in a restaurant for an hour and a half and visited. It is nice to be with a person who knows your ancient history and loves you. I told him how overwhelmed I am with the number of new women I am sponsoring and he suggested that I get them all together at one time and read the big book - all of us - once a week. This would technically work since they are all on the first or second step right now. I think people need the one on one attention that a sponsor provides, but they also need the camaraderie of their peers. I notice that these people don't hang out with one another which is really really sad.... anyway.... does anyone have any thoughts on this?

This is going to be one long ass post... sorry. So, I have always said that if you are sponsoring more than 2 or 3 people, it is nothing but an ego trip. My sponsor has agreed with me. Now I am sponsoring five women, four of whom are in their first 90 days of sobriety. I don't know how this has happened to me. I have an idea though. (after "the man" criticized me for cussing in meetings, I have really toned it down, and I have also become a lot more careful about what I share in meetings, which I think is a negative thing, but is attracting more and more people to me. DRAT! I think I used to cuss and tell outrageous stories to keep people away.) I am staying in frequent contact with my sponsor and talking to her about all of these relationships and she does not think this is an ego trip, but she sure worries about how busy and tired I am.

I am reading a book by Henri Nouwen, "The Return of the Prodigal Son." It is his reflection on the painting by Rembrandt of the same name. There is a lot in that little book, but one of the things that has struck me most profoundly is that most of us read that parable, or see that painting and identify with the prodigal. But it is enlightening to look at it through the eyes of the older brother or the father. I have BEEN the prodigal, I have been the older brother (metaphorically speaking, of course). I think it might be time to strive to be more like "the father." The forgiving one who loves unconditionally.

I am a 55 year old woman who has been sober for 22 years, 9 months, and 21 days. I think I need to revise my own ideas about who I am. I better stop writing this - I am getting carried away and probably convoluted... so on that note, how about one of my favorite jokes:

Did you hear about Descartes sitting at a cafe - the waiter asked him if he would care for more tea, to which Descartes replied, "I think not." and vanished!

"Faith is more than our greatest gift; its sharing with others is our greatest reponsibility. May we of AA continually seek the wisdom and the willingness by which we may well fulfill that immense trust which the Giver of all perfect gifts has placed in our hands." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 13


Pam said...

Damn...MC, I did not want you to quit writting...I need woman my age, having revelations....and sharing them with ME. We Have GOT TO help each other embrace this new ......new....phase or whatever it is of LIFE. Let's all work on it together!

Clarity said...

Hi MC, I am new to sobriety, 73 days. On Saturday mornings my "sober family" go to a 7:30am meeting. By sober family, I mean my sponsor and her other sponsees. Her sponsor and her other sponsees and her sponsor! Phew!

Then we meet at my sponsor's, sponsor's, sponsor's house. She calls herself my "sober grandmother" though she's only a little older than me. We read the BB book together and then she leads the discussion. It is great for me to sit with someone who knows the Big Book so well and has notes written all over her book from years and years of study.

It is a more intimate gathering than a meeting and it has really helped us bond. Us newcomers and old timers and everyone in between learning from each other. We are all very "plugged in" to each other. It is one of the highlights of my week and I think it's a great idea. Of course the coffee and bagels are nice too!

Zane-nawwaa said...

Ego is Easing God Out. When you are "really" helping people to stay sober, I don't see how you could possibly be Easing God Out.
A great post fortoday. Luv ya.

AAwoken said...

ohhh, philosophy jokes you want?

dAAve said...

Continue Returning Here.

Anonymous said...

I love the fact that after all these years sober, Mary Christine, you are still counting the days, too!

453 days sober here.


Scott W said...

I love that Descartes joke, although I heard it as being asked by a flight attendant. Either way it's funny. Here's one of mine:

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?


God and you will work out your sponsee situation.

Shannon said...

Whew yes, sponsoring 5 women is tough, and I like the suggestion that you all meet once a week and do a big book study,..Also I think you are inspired by that, because it is important, especially in early recovery for us to bond together. I know it will work it self out how its supposed to. I really admire you alot. I think you are doing so much for yourself and others.
My husband is staring at me LOL this is his way of getting my attention LOL he is so cute
have a wonderful evening and be good to yourself

Sober @ Sundown said...

I was always told that all you need is 2 people and a coffee pot.... You have five women, do you have a coffee pot?

I like it when you let go and tell us who you really are. I would love to read about how you want to revise yourself! Be brave!

lash505 said...

That was great MC and you wear whatever the hell you want, because you will be a blur to the competition. Coming to D in 3 weeks..