Until my half-marathon. I am getting quite nervous. I still don't know what I am wearing - which is a big mistake to make. I have run with a jacket for all of these months of training... I forgot that on May 20 it is likely to be at least in the 60s and I need to wear a singlet, no jacket, and a pair of compression shorts (with no pocket). So I have no pocket to put my car key and my gel in. I can stick them in my bra, but that probably isn't the most comfortable thing to do. I hope to figure this out today.
Yesterday I got to have lunch with my old friend who now lives in Montana. It was great to see him. We sat in a restaurant for an hour and a half and visited. It is nice to be with a person who knows your ancient history and loves you. I told him how overwhelmed I am with the number of new women I am sponsoring and he suggested that I get them all together at one time and read the big book - all of us - once a week. This would technically work since they are all on the first or second step right now. I think people need the one on one attention that a sponsor provides, but they also need the camaraderie of their peers. I notice that these people don't hang out with one another which is really really sad.... anyway.... does anyone have any thoughts on this?
This is going to be one long ass post... sorry. So, I have always said that if you are sponsoring more than 2 or 3 people, it is nothing but an ego trip. My sponsor has agreed with me. Now I am sponsoring five women, four of whom are in their first 90 days of sobriety. I don't know how this has happened to me. I have an idea though. (after "the man" criticized me for cussing in meetings, I have really toned it down, and I have also become a lot more careful about what I share in meetings, which I think is a negative thing, but is attracting more and more people to me. DRAT! I think I used to cuss and tell outrageous stories to keep people away.) I am staying in frequent contact with my sponsor and talking to her about all of these relationships and she does not think this is an ego trip, but she sure worries about how busy and tired I am.
I am reading a book by Henri Nouwen, "The Return of the Prodigal Son." It is his reflection on the painting by Rembrandt of the same name. There is a lot in that little book, but one of the things that has struck me most profoundly is that most of us read that parable, or see that painting and identify with the prodigal. But it is enlightening to look at it through the eyes of the older brother or the father. I have BEEN the prodigal, I have been the older brother (metaphorically speaking, of course). I think it might be time to strive to be more like "the father." The forgiving one who loves unconditionally.
I am a 55 year old woman who has been sober for 22 years, 9 months, and 21 days. I think I need to revise my own ideas about who I am. I better stop writing this - I am getting carried away and probably convoluted... so on that note, how about one of my favorite jokes:
Did you hear about Descartes sitting at a cafe - the waiter asked him if he would care for more tea, to which Descartes replied, "I think not." and vanished!
"Faith is more than our greatest gift; its sharing with others is our greatest reponsibility. May we of AA continually seek the wisdom and the willingness by which we may well fulfill that immense trust which the Giver of all perfect gifts has placed in our hands." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 13