Amazingly enough, this morning I feel all better. It is amazing what happens when I do what I am supposed to be doing, and stop thinking about myself 24 hours a day!
Yesterday I went to a 5:30 meeting. As 5:30 approached and no one had stepped up to chair the meeting, my friend L. asked me to chair. I dislike chairing meetings, so I asked him to chair. Well, L. has worsening-by-the-day dementia and I know damn well he can't chair the meeting, so I suggested we co-chair the meeting. We both sat at the little desk at the front of the room and we took turns with all the meeting chair duties. Was I worried about myself in that hour? nope, I don't think so!
After the meeting, a woman (C.) asked me to go with her to visit our friend R. who is in the hospital. I thought it would be a nice opportunity to visit with C. on the way to and from the hospital, and I knew it would be nice to see R., I have been worried about him. We weren't in the room with R. for 5 minutes before he had a major crisis, I mean MAJOR, and they called a code on him. C. is an RN, so she just rolled up her sleeves, got some latex gloves and went to work. I stood in the corner of a very small room that suddenly had about 15 medical personnel in it, and tried not to get in the way. I figured my major duty was to pray. I stayed for a couple of hours, by then his family had come, and he was moved to ICU. So I came home. I really don't know if he lived through the night. God bless him. He is sober about 6 months, comes to meetings with the O2 tank, and is just an absolute sweetheart. In fact, in the middle of this, he somehow looked up and said "sorry Mary, I hope I didn't get any blood on you." I just smiled and said "not a drop, and don't be sorry."
When I was new in sobriety, one of my friends was in the hospital and I was asked to go visit her. I said "I don't do hospitals, they freak me out." I was told in no uncertain terms that if I was to stay sober I would learn how to "do" hospitals and think of someone other than myself. Thank God for those folks who didn't listen to my crap and just nod, they took the time and the risk to tell me the truth.
I have to get out of here for the 6:30 a.m. meeting. Have a good Memorial Day everyone.
"Faith is more than our greatest gift; its sharing with others is our greatest responsibility. May we of AA continually seek the wisdom and the willingness by which we may well fulfill that immense trust which the Giver of all perfect gifts has place in our hands." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 13