Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Full Moon Bike Ride

I was going to wait until it was fully light before I set out on my bike this morning, but I see a huge full moon out there about to set. I think I will go out just before the sun rises and see what kind of photographic trouble I can get into. It should be beautiful!

Today I have no appointments or meetings at work. I love these 5th weeks of the month, there is nothing automatically scheduled. Tonight I meet with a new sponsee who is working on her first 4th step. She is a blessing in my life.

In the past 10 days or so, I have spent countless hours on the phone (actually I would be able to calculate the hours, if I so desired, when I get my cell phone bill) with a former boyfriend who has been suicidal. Let me be quick to add that he has also contacted all the appropriate people - I have no delusions of being a substitute for a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, social worker, nurse, or police officer.

But I do remember what it is like to feel so bad that taking your own life seems like the only solution. I remember what it is like to feel that you are so worthless that no one would want to spend one second speaking with you. I remember what it is like to intellectually know that you are being a loser by wanting to die, and that making you only feel worse. So, I was happy to talk with this man. I have been checking in on him several times a day by phone. On Sunday, he said he was feeling a bit better. Yesterday, when I called he said he was busy moving stocks around and would call me back after the stock market closed. He never called back. I debated myself about whether I should call him before I went to sleep last night. I decided he sounds like the man I used to know, busy and not returning phone calls. And he can do that. He must be feeling better. I am reminded that sometimes when I think I am being altruistic, I am not really. Because I am a teensy bit annoyed with him. I will get over it, don't worry.

I better go get my bike shorts on and get out of here! It is going to be a great day.

"clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 29


Scott W said...

This particular full moon (which peaked Sunday), considered to be the fullest and most beautiful, is celebrated as Guru Purnima. The auspicious day of Guru Purnima falls on a full moon day during the hottest month of the year. Thus, both the sun and the moon are at the peak of their power on this day. Its effects are felt for days prior and after.

I want pictures!

Pam said...

MC..you are so tender hearted, and are just full of empathy!
And...I agree with Scott..let's see pictures!

Mary Christine said...

I posted a picture of the moon. I probably am not a good enough photographer to do it any kind of justice. It was absolutely beautiful, which does not seem to come through on the photo. I had a great bike ride!

lushgurl said...

The corn relish looks delish! I'll take one jar please!

I too rmember feeling so desperate and alone and wanting, not so much to die, but to sleep through all the pain I was feeling. Yes, I thought that maybe death would have been a relief to me, but I could not have done that to my daughter (thank God).
Full moon, pictures, where are they?
love to you!

sober Chick said...

I think it is precious how you embrace your new sponsee and your service to her.

Shannon said...

I love the clear cut directions... and MC I love your honesty.. I hope is ok too. I also think you are good to have such insight!
beautiful pic and I missed you too!!! (((HUGS)))

Scott said...

great photo!

MC, youre an excellent person and friend to listen to an ex who has difficulties like that!

Christine said...

how lucky/blessed he is to have your caring

Mary Christine said...

Okay, another update. He did call me early this morning and apologized for not calling back yesterday. We have talked several times today.

Meg Moran said...

the moon was absolutely BEAUTIFUL here too....hope you enjoyed your ride. Glad your friend is ok.