Wednesday, June 11, 2008

998

I keep using the post number as my title because there was a part of me who said I would continue to blog as long as it took to get to 1,000 posts. Now, before you accuse me of "attention seeking about the blog," as someone did the last time I mentioned stopping, I just want to say that I have decided to continue.

Anyway, I decided not to post this morning because I was meeting my sponsee at the 6:30 meeting and didn't get up until 5:30. I thought I would blog when I got to work, but there is another big deal at work today. So I am just taking a break for a second to do this.

At the meeting a young man was complaining about his young children. He was saying he doesn't like being a father. The room thought that was quite funny. I didn't. I talked to him after the meeting about being careful about what he says outloud. That if he really hates being a father, he can leave his family or give his children up for adoption. He was horrified. I continued and told him that I have heard him say these things in front of his beautiful little daughters, and that comments like that are so damaging. He said something like "Thanks for the guilt trip." Now, if he was new, maybe I wouldn't have said that. But he has been sober close to 20 years. Some things just aren't worth saying for entertainment purposes. I don't know how people can think that is funny. Or why someone would care so much to entertain a room full of alcoholics that they would say things so horrible about their own children.

OK, I will lighten up now and go back to the regulators who are here regulatin' us!

7 comments:

veganmama said...

I think there's a big difference between (a) confiding in people your doubts and frustrations about being a parent -- which I think we all have -- and (b) making those frustrations known to your children.

I grew up in an alcoholic household where my mother made it quite clear that she didn't particularly like being a mom -- sometimes she'd even say so, and leave for a while, then come back as though nothing had been said.

Even if it's only occasionally, saying things like that to children damages them in ways that are quite difficult to repair. And while I suppose many sober people would say it's meddling to speak up -- I don't think it's any more meddling than laughing at the "joke" is enabling. Then again, I'm newly sober myself. :)

Kathy Lynne said...

I'm with you. That he would ever say that in front of his kids is horrible. However, to express some frustration over parenting, etc. that may need to be said, sans children to help us deal with these issues in sobriety might be necessary to stay sober, no? The woman next to me the other day referred to her 3 year old twin grandchildren as control freaks. She wasn't looking forward to babysitting for them. It was hysterical and we all knew what she meant. She loved them but they are three and she is an alcoholic. And she needed to express her anxiety before going to them.

Syd said...

Having held the idea in my head since childhood that I was a great surprise for my parents (they were nearly 41 when I was born),I had some anxiety over not being "wanted". It would have kicked that anxiety into high gear if I had heard either of my parents say that they didn't want to be a parent. I'm glad that you talked to the fellow. He needs to realize that kids suffer anxiety about love. Since he is an alcoholic, their anxiety level could be quite high, even if he has been sober for a long time. The antennae of children is very sensitive.

Scott W said...

I am of the opinion that not everyone capable of having children, should. There are too many children having children and too many people not capable being a decent parent. The world's population has tripled since I was born, the planet is having a hard time handling the demand. There, I said it.

Motorcycle Mike - Sober Biker said...

1st let me say - Keep that count number going, try for 10000...

2nd, I am glad there are people like you out there that will tell someone when the cross the line. I know I need it sometimes.

Pam said...

I'm having to slap down people in meetings alot lately also...well, after the meeting.
I think mother hood is over-rated though. little celery stalk.

Mark said...

I had the displeasure of being at the dinner table with both my younger brothers the night my father looked across the table and said to my mother, "Ginny, we've made a lot of mistakes and these are three of them," as he motioned in our direction...

Now, I can tell you, since my children still won't speak to me, this fool ought to work on his thinking, imho. Children are a gift and saying things like that in front of them, well, the hurt cannot be described.

You never know what you have until you don't have it...

Anyone other than newcomers, who laughed at those comments, might want to give serious consideration to what kind of program they're working.