Saturday, June 07, 2008

Post #992

This is another picture from yesterday's run.  Watching the construction above is breaking my heart.  But every time I want to resent those people for building houses on MY beautiful mountainside, I remember that someone once surely felt the same way about the construction of my house.  

I just got home from a meeting.  We are watching the demise of one of our members and I think everything we are doing to "help" is only hurting.  I'm not one to play into the alcoholic need for constant attention.  But most of the women in the group are sort of a ten headed monster.... they move together, and when they see someone who needs "help," they swoop in.  I think it is too much.  I think there is too much secondary gain in getting drunk in that group right now.  After the meeting, another fellow with long-term sobriety and I talked about it.  I have not mentioned my feelings to anyone about this, he brought it up, and what a relief to find that I am not alone.  

Yesterday my daughter called.  She sounds like a different woman.  A wonderful sober woman.  She said she had a spiritual experience.  I didn't pry, and she didn't volunteer more than that.  I am so happy about this.  

Being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for as long as I have (23 years and 11 months), I can become rather jaded and cynical about a person's chance for recovery.  I have watched probably thousands of people come in, clean up, get all shiney and happy, and then get drunk.  Some of them come back and try again and get sober.  Some get drunk again.  Some leave and never return.  Many of them die.  BUT I know that I did get sober. I know that I have truly not had a drink since that first day in July 1984.  I know many others who have done the same.  I know there is recovery in AA.  I know that people get sober and my daughter can be one of them.  

My friend who got sober in November of 1977, and I have known since I got sober, is in town.  He called me this morning. I will get to see him and his wife and family tomorrow.  Oh Praise God for the myriad blessings in my life!


Scott W said...

I want to understand what you are saying about the woman in your group. But I don't understand this phrase, "I think there is too much secondary gain in getting drunk in that group right now."

Kathy Lynne said...

I think I understand what you mean about secondary gain....perhaps....I have fallen into the trap sometimes of thinking that I and that is an underlined I can so something to help someone get sober. And that is putting myself before God. Either God is everything or he is nothing. I think we do need to reach out our hands because that is how the program works but then we also need to recognize that nothing WE do will change anything. We can only pray to be the instrument.