Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I don't mean in the current vernacular of "consequences," which is generally "I am going to punish you because you have pissed me off, and I am going to call it the 'consequences' of YOUR actions - take THAT!"

I have shared here before that I am trying to have my first marriage annulled in the Catholic Church.  This is supremely important to me.  For most people, they do this because they want to remarry, so it is unusual for someone single like me to be so intent to get this resolved.  I have spent over 2 years trying to find this man, a man I have not seen since 1974.  1974.  That is a long dang time ago.  

On Sunday I finished up a letter to the Archdiocese detailing all of my efforts to find him, complete with a spreadsheet of all my attempts, and concluding that I will never find this man.  His trail dried up sometime around 2001.  I thought he was perhaps dead.  But you can't find a death certificate without a date of death.    I had this letter finished.  I was ready to mail it, but just needed to run it by my Pastor.  (I first applied for the annulment a little over a year ago, and provided proof that I had tried to find him, but they did not find that sufficient, so they have sent me a letter once a month since then with a little box checked "provide address of respondent."  As If I could just say "oh, gosh, I must have forgotten to add that part!")

I checked my e-mail yesterday afternoon and found another search report I had forgotten I paid for (and how these people can sleep with the crap they sell you for $39.95! I will never know).  And lo and behold!  There was a report that seemed to make sense.  And a chronological report of his whereabouts, including two recent addresses in Florida, which I have never seen before.

So I wrote letters, stuck them in envelopes, drove to the Post Office and mailed them, Certified, Return Receipt Requested.  And hopefully in a week or so, I will know if I have finally found this man.  Hopefully I have and can move forward with this annulment.  

Because I want this behind me.  

Recently the daughter I gave up for adoption in 1967 found me and we have been talking and e-mailing.  

It is shocking to think that I may be in touch with my long lost daughter and my long divorced first husband.  

No matter how long ago all of these things were and how much I have changed - this is still my past.  I cannot change my past.

But by the Grace of God, my life did not stay on that trajectory, but changed.  On July 24, 1984, I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, and my life changed.  

Staying sober, one day at a time, my life changed.  Let's do it for another day, OK?


Pam said...

1. Yes, I think I will do it for another day because God seems to have a strangle hold on me and is putting me into all kinds of situations lately that require me to constantly talk to him about stuff.
2. Mary, I hope this is a correct address for him and you can get this resolved. I know how much this means to you sweet Bounty Hunter Girl.

Prayer Girl said...

I understand why someone might want to have a marriage annulled for reasons other than to remarry. I also get how important it would be.

I'm going to pray that your new found information about your first husband will bear fruit and all will be well.

I have come to know that my journey into the 'Hell of Alcoholism' was worth every moment for the joy of sobriety it has brought me. I needed to be changed and Alcoholics Anonymous showed me the way.

Thank you God and thank you AA,

Scott W said...

Did you never contact Dog the Bounty Hunter? I am sure his mullet would lead you to the missing link.

Good luck with your quest. I know it's important.

Banana Girl said...

This is truly an interesting journey. More is revealed just when we are really ready to handle it. Good luck with this. I know and understand the process. I was a sworn witness in an annulment some time ago. And they are now living married and happily ever after. I know you are not seeking marriage, so yours is different. But it is the same struggle to come clean. I am, as always, impressed.

Ed G. said...

Mary - I can relate. Best wishes toward getting complete on this.

dAAve said...

I love GOOD consequences.

Syd said...

MC, I hope that the search paid off and that this is resolved. It seems like God is watching and asking for patience. I wish you the best as you move forward in this process.

steveroni said...

Mary, I'm a little late here, but I was waiting for inspiration -grin!

Nope, it has not arrived, but I stayed sober all day, with the rest of you folks. Had my first bike accident, tried to push a pickup truck out of my way. The driver wasn't looking (that would be me.)
Nobody hurt except Flex (bike...only cosmetic.)

As for annullment, some time I'd like to tell you my experiences. A 50-year-old 'in-the-church' marriage, still no resolution.

steveroni said...

Mary, if the ex lives in FL, near you-know-where...lemme know. Maybe I can arrange a failed steering assembly, or brake malfunction. Then you could be in the clear. WAIT A MINUTE!...Then I'd go to hell...