Just telling on myself.
Yesterday's post was probably the most dishonest blogging I have ever indulged in. I woke up yesterday morning with a migraine. I get sick of writing "I have a migraine today." I ordered the refill for my migraine medication yesterday. It was last refilled in November. So, I have used 10 of the pills since November. That doesn't sound like so many migraines. But I feel like I am a perpetual migraine when I have one. So I didn't cop to having one yesterday. I wrote about my tulips. I love tulips. I wrote about birds singing, I love birds singing. I wrote that I was going to go out and run.. and I did.
So, with a migraine, I went out for a morning run. If you have read this blog for a while, you know that I have a big problem with dogs. I carry pepper spray whenever I am going to be outdoors without a vehicle. Yesterday was no exception. I was running very near my house. Up ahead on the sidewalk were a couple, with a dog apiece, each on a leash. Both of the dogs appeared to be very skittish, but the people seemed to be doing all in their power to control them. I made a split second decision not to cross the street (which I will often do to avoid dogs) and decided I could safely pass them on the sidewalk.
When I did, one of the dogs lunged at me and just missed taking a chunk out of my leg by about an inch. I screamed. It scared the living crap out of me. Then, I said "Oh my God!" Gut reaction. Sorry, I am trying to not take the name of God in vain, but I am not there yet. Then! I heard the woman say "Oh, get over it!" bla bla bla bla. bla bla bla bla.
And instead of doing what I should have and just kept right on a runnin', I turned off my iPod, paused my garmin, turned around and headed for her. And those two words came flying out of my mouth. A verb and a pronoun, and it is not "happy birthday." She said "What are you doing?" And I said a couple more words in the manner of a street thug - "Talking to You!" Oh, it was ridiculous.
After I ran away, not like a chicken, but like a runner, I ran onto a favorite trail and just stopped and cried. And I prayed. After a while, I pulled myself together and ran back home.
My friend (who reads my blog, Hi!) happened to call. I told her what happened. She was glad I told that person off. She was glad I used the language I had. I told her, with voice shaking from barely suppressed tears, that I was so upset with myself for being so "over the top."
She said "That's who you are Mary. You are over the top. That's why we love you."
I don't think I want to continue to use foul language like that, or to have run-ins with people on suburban sidewalks... and I will do all in my power to never do that again.
But I am who I am. Any day that I get to act like a human being and have a positive impact on those around me is nothing short of miraculous. I do get used to it though. I hate, hate, hate that such an ugly person showed up in me yesterday. But I am reminded of who I am.
By the Grace of God, most of the time, I get to act like a decent human being, and I am extremely grateful for that.
note: I later admitted to myself that I had a migraine, left work, took medication, and came home and slept. Later, after I had slept, I took my granddaughter out for a birthday dinner and then a friend came by to show me pictures of his recent trip.