Over the Top

Or:  Who I am.

Just telling on myself.  

Yesterday's post was probably the most dishonest blogging I have ever indulged in.  I woke up yesterday morning with a migraine.  I get sick of writing "I have a migraine today."  I ordered the refill for my migraine medication yesterday.  It was last refilled in November.  So, I have used 10 of the pills since November.  That doesn't sound like so many migraines.  But I feel like I am a perpetual migraine when I have one.  So I didn't cop to having one yesterday.  I wrote about my tulips.  I love tulips.  I wrote about birds singing, I love birds singing.  I wrote that I was going to go out and run.. and I did.  

So, with a migraine, I went out for a morning run.  If you have read this blog for a while, you know that I have a big problem with dogs.  I carry pepper spray whenever I am going to be outdoors without a vehicle.  Yesterday was no exception.  I was running very near my house.  Up ahead on the sidewalk were a couple, with a dog apiece, each on a leash.  Both of the dogs appeared to be very skittish, but the people seemed to be doing all in their power to control them.  I made a split second decision not to cross the street (which I will often do to avoid dogs) and decided I could safely pass them on the sidewalk.

When I did, one of the dogs lunged at me and just missed taking a chunk out of my leg by about an inch.  I screamed.  It scared the living crap out of me.  Then, I said "Oh my God!"  Gut reaction.  Sorry, I am trying to not take the name of God in vain, but I am not there yet.  Then!  I heard the woman say "Oh, get over it!"  bla bla bla bla.  bla bla bla bla.  

And instead of doing what I should have and just kept right on a runnin', I turned off my iPod, paused my garmin, turned around and headed for her.  And those two words came flying out of my mouth.  A verb and a pronoun, and it is not "happy birthday."  She said "What are you doing?"  And I said a couple more words in the manner of a street thug - "Talking to You!"  Oh, it was ridiculous.  

After I ran away, not like a chicken, but like a runner, I ran onto a favorite trail and just stopped and cried.  And I prayed.  After a while, I pulled myself together and ran back home.

My friend (who reads my blog, Hi!) happened to call.  I told her what happened.  She was glad I told that person off.  She was glad I used the language I had.  I told her, with voice shaking from barely suppressed tears, that  I was so upset with myself for being so "over the top."

She said "That's who you are Mary.  You are over the top.  That's why we love you."  

I don't think I want to continue to use foul language like that, or to have run-ins with people on suburban sidewalks... and I will do all in my power to never do that again.

But I am who I am.  Any day that I get to act like a human being and have a positive impact on those around me is nothing short of miraculous.  I do get used to it though.  I hate, hate, hate that such an ugly person showed up in me yesterday.  But I am reminded of who I am.  

By the Grace of God, most of the time, I get to act like a decent human being, and I am extremely grateful for that.

note:  I later admitted to myself that I had a migraine, left work, took medication, and came home and slept.  Later, after I had slept, I took my granddaughter out for a birthday dinner and then a friend came by to show me pictures of his recent trip.