Saturday, March 21, 2009

Over the Top

Or:  Who I am.

Just telling on myself.  

Yesterday's post was probably the most dishonest blogging I have ever indulged in.  I woke up yesterday morning with a migraine.  I get sick of writing "I have a migraine today."  I ordered the refill for my migraine medication yesterday.  It was last refilled in November.  So, I have used 10 of the pills since November.  That doesn't sound like so many migraines.  But I feel like I am a perpetual migraine when I have one.  So I didn't cop to having one yesterday.  I wrote about my tulips.  I love tulips.  I wrote about birds singing, I love birds singing.  I wrote that I was going to go out and run.. and I did.  

So, with a migraine, I went out for a morning run.  If you have read this blog for a while, you know that I have a big problem with dogs.  I carry pepper spray whenever I am going to be outdoors without a vehicle.  Yesterday was no exception.  I was running very near my house.  Up ahead on the sidewalk were a couple, with a dog apiece, each on a leash.  Both of the dogs appeared to be very skittish, but the people seemed to be doing all in their power to control them.  I made a split second decision not to cross the street (which I will often do to avoid dogs) and decided I could safely pass them on the sidewalk.

When I did, one of the dogs lunged at me and just missed taking a chunk out of my leg by about an inch.  I screamed.  It scared the living crap out of me.  Then, I said "Oh my God!"  Gut reaction.  Sorry, I am trying to not take the name of God in vain, but I am not there yet.  Then!  I heard the woman say "Oh, get over it!"  bla bla bla bla.  bla bla bla bla.  

And instead of doing what I should have and just kept right on a runnin', I turned off my iPod, paused my garmin, turned around and headed for her.  And those two words came flying out of my mouth.  A verb and a pronoun, and it is not "happy birthday."  She said "What are you doing?"  And I said a couple more words in the manner of a street thug - "Talking to You!"  Oh, it was ridiculous.  

After I ran away, not like a chicken, but like a runner, I ran onto a favorite trail and just stopped and cried.  And I prayed.  After a while, I pulled myself together and ran back home.

My friend (who reads my blog, Hi!) happened to call.  I told her what happened.  She was glad I told that person off.  She was glad I used the language I had.  I told her, with voice shaking from barely suppressed tears, that  I was so upset with myself for being so "over the top."

She said "That's who you are Mary.  You are over the top.  That's why we love you."  

I don't think I want to continue to use foul language like that, or to have run-ins with people on suburban sidewalks... and I will do all in my power to never do that again.

But I am who I am.  Any day that I get to act like a human being and have a positive impact on those around me is nothing short of miraculous.  I do get used to it though.  I hate, hate, hate that such an ugly person showed up in me yesterday.  But I am reminded of who I am.  

By the Grace of God, most of the time, I get to act like a decent human being, and I am extremely grateful for that.

note:  I later admitted to myself that I had a migraine, left work, took medication, and came home and slept.  Later, after I had slept, I took my granddaughter out for a birthday dinner and then a friend came by to show me pictures of his recent trip.  


Pam said...

OMG...I know that must have scared you to death.
Why can't people just be human????
I have such a huge dog and I know that people can be justifiably afraid of him. When ANYONE comes by me (jogging,walking or skipping) I have him SIT and be still. I usually even holler ahead something like "It's ok, he's gentle" or just SOMETHING to let people know it's OK.
Because it's the right thing to do. It's being human and caring about our fellows!!
And it pisses me off that someone said to you "get over it".
And it pisses me off that you have to feel bad for showing your anger at them...MAYBE SCOTT W. COULD PAINT YOU A LITTLE SIGN TO CARRY IN YOUR POCKET THAT SAYS THOSE WORDS AND YOU COULD JUST HOLD IT UP"
I'll bet he would do it for you.
Lovin' you little head pounding nasty mouth tulip grower.

steveroni said...

You sure sound like a recovering alcoholic...I'd say, Hmmmmm, between about 24-25 years sober?

KUTGW ("Keep Up The Good Work", an old family saying)

Scott W said...

LOL @ Pammie! I will make you a little sign if you want. But why don't you just embrace that part of you that let those words out? Try loving that part of you because it is as blessed and beautiful as the rest of you. God made you that way, and you can learn how to restrict those thoughts, with practice and letting it go. But until then would it be so hard to just love that part of you? We love that part because it is a part of who you are, at this moment. You can use that energy to make a shift in your consciousness so down the road those things that are bothering you now will shrink, like tears in sunshine.

Much love to you.

Let me know about the sign.

Trailboss said...

I think that woman should have her toe stomped. The nerve of saying that after her animal did wrong. She needs to get her dog under control. I just can't get over people.

Prayer Girl said...

I just laughed and laughed over parts of your blog and Pam's response.

I understand your being upset with yourself for not behaving as you would like to. BUT, you are human and that lady, well.......


Cat said...

Hey migraines happen, dogs happen, fear happens and getting pissed off at someone that is increadibly insensitive - well that happens too.

I think you are K just how you are. Really, swear words and all. I swear.

Mark W. said...

Does this mean that you're...



Oh No! My whole image of you is shot to .... !!!!

I believe today that if my God can forgive me for the pure insanity I brought down on my loved ones in my previous life, He will forgive me for those moments of F U's I occasionally spew on strange strangers today.


After all - we're sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous, not perfect members of Perfects Anonymous.

I like what Scott W. said...

steveroni said...

"Prowess, not perfection"! Oooops!

Ed G. said...

Tough situation - I can (and do) relate - nice post...

Syd said...

MC, we all have our character defects and humanness. It's nice to have that humanness because it keeps me humble. I realize that I'm just one thought away from a meltdown, breakdown, shakedown...whatever. I give myself permission to emote and then I take inventory afterwards. Sounds like you're okay to me.

Micky said...

Migraine Mary said...
I woke up yesterday morning with a migraine. I get sick of writing " I have a migraine today." I ordered the refill for my migraine medication yesterday. It was last refilled in November. So, I have used 10 of the pills since November. That doesn't sound like so many migraines. But I feel like I am a perpetual migraine when I have one.

Dear Mary,
AA has turned you into a raging, emotionally shutdown & shape shifting reptile!

Suppressed rage becomes compressed. The energy charge builds and builds. There is no way to hold this energy charge unmoving without something being damaged.

Unmoving rage can turn inward and act on the self as a self-hate pattern in disguise. It can cause illnesses and problems in the body, such as skin eruptions and rashes, or ulcers, headaches and migraines, and possibly even cancers.