Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thursday in Late August

I don't think I know anything anymore. And maybe that is good.

Yesterday, after too many people landing in my office, sitting in a chair and feeling free to cry and emote all over the place, I closed my door. With each one, my emotions would escalate, even though I was trying to push my own feelings aside and be present for the other person. I finally had to say (to myself) that I have feelings too and I need to just get to work and do something productive instead of having an emot-o-rama all day long.

Today, I have an appointment for a mammogram. I am trying to take care of all the little (?) loose ends in case I lose my insurance coverage.

Then I shall meet a sponsee at the 5:30 meeting. She is now working days and can no longer meet me at the 6:30 a.m. meeting. That is good. But I later realized the 5:30 on Thursdays is the "beginners" meeting - which was the reason I stopped going to that group.

A beginners meeting sounds benign and humble enough - but the format is atrocious. In the first half hour, only people with under a year of sobriety are allowed to share. They come and spill their guts all over the place, thinking it is a "safe place." In the second half hour, they get lectured by all the people with over a year about what they are doing wrong, and then the long-timer with over a year gets to pontificate... OK I will shut up about this, and I will try to set aside my feelings about this meeting and just go and hope that it is a good thing for my sponsee - it may very well be.

Let's all stay sober today and realize that we are sober by the Grace of God, not by any of our great accomplishments. It is a humble, humble thing.


13 comments:

Scott W said...

Morning, it's Thursday already.

Syd said...

There's a similar beginner's meeting format here. A friend of mine quit going to the meeting because of the format. He also thought that it was not helping anyone, neither beginner nor someone with many years of sobriety.

Glad that you are taking care of yourself and not absorbing all the stuff that others dump.

dAAve said...

That format doesn't sound very comfortable. The beginner's meeting at Lambda is very good and usually is attended by many people with many years. Topics generally are on the first 3 steps.
I've was laid-off twice during my 20-year career and landed on my feet both times. I bet you will too, if it comes to that.

Patty said...

In my line of work, I get layed-off all the time. You never get used to it, feast or famine, that's why I am changing careers. I have learned by working the steps that my job no longer defines me. I feel bad for your fellow employees who are falling apart over financial insecurity and loss of their job.

Ed G. said...

Just when I'm sure a meeting format is killing people and against everything I think it should be, I hear of someone who's life is saved by that meeting.

I'm amazed by what God can use to help someone with a willing heart and an open mind.

Blessings on your Thursday...

Tall Kay said...

Since God's in charge of the meeting, somebody must need to hear or share. He wants you there for a reason too. Walk in faith today that all will be okay. It sounds like the others all feel safe to share their feelings with you. Your faith is bringing comfort to them. God bless.

Lou said...

I bet the week end cannot come soon enough...

pat said...

Sounds like my normal workday. Hats off to you.

Susan DeAngelis said...

By the Grace of God... I agree :)

Good luck on the Mamogram, sweetie.

Hang in there.

Hugs,
sue

Anonymous said...

Yes it is a humble humble thing

garden-variety drunk said...

i love the picture- are there sunflowers in colorado? if so, i need to get myself to colorado one of these days : )

Pam said...

I've seen them and they aren't little. ;)
I'm confused in meetings lately. Of course I never know if its me or not.
I agree, your office is not a dumping ground...at least not all day long.

Scott said...

wow, sounds like fish in a barrel, that beginner's meeting does.

I've still gotcha "on my list" of peeps that could use a little extra "God's Grace" these days... I've been asking on your behalf!