Yesterday, after too many people landing in my office, sitting in a chair and feeling free to cry and emote all over the place, I closed my door. With each one, my emotions would escalate, even though I was trying to push my own feelings aside and be present for the other person. I finally had to say (to myself) that I have feelings too and I need to just get to work and do something productive instead of having an emot-o-rama all day long.
Today, I have an appointment for a mammogram. I am trying to take care of all the little (?) loose ends in case I lose my insurance coverage.
Then I shall meet a sponsee at the 5:30 meeting. She is now working days and can no longer meet me at the 6:30 a.m. meeting. That is good. But I later realized the 5:30 on Thursdays is the "beginners" meeting - which was the reason I stopped going to that group.
A beginners meeting sounds benign and humble enough - but the format is atrocious. In the first half hour, only people with under a year of sobriety are allowed to share. They come and spill their guts all over the place, thinking it is a "safe place." In the second half hour, they get lectured by all the people with over a year about what they are doing wrong, and then the long-timer with over a year gets to pontificate... OK I will shut up about this, and I will try to set aside my feelings about this meeting and just go and hope that it is a good thing for my sponsee - it may very well be.
Let's all stay sober today and realize that we are sober by the Grace of God, not by any of our great accomplishments. It is a humble, humble thing.