Saturday, August 22, 2009


I am using everything in my arsenal of weapons against despair. I have had horrible back pain since the middle of last week - I am sure it has something to do with stress. For anyone who has had back pain and never used a foam roller (pictured above), check it out. It is really a wonderful thing.

I went to the 6:30 meeting this morning. I usually like the Saturday morning meeting because there are so many people there. My back was hurting so bad that I really felt like I was barely there mentally.

Later, I went to Opening Prayer Day of Biblical School. I almost didn't go. I had pretty much made up my mind that I could not possibly afford to continue to attend - well, I can afford to attend, I just can't afford to pay. However, after being there today, I have decided that until I absolutely CANNOT pay for it, I will continue. It is just so good. It is such a wonderful thing. It was so good to see my friends as we now enter our 3rd year of 4... we are getting to know each other, and it is nice.

On the way home, I stopped into my old, old church to go to confession. They did a major overhaul of the church about 10 years ago, just after I moved to the other side of town, and I have never been there since they have a "new" church. They also have a small chapel, where the confessional was. I went and cried to the priest. Yes, literally cried. He was wonderful and had helpful suggestions for me.

Tomorrow I am going for a hike with a friend from work. I haven't hiked for years ... not since I have been training for races constantly. It will be really good to put on my hiking boots and hit the trail. I will take lots of photos.

I really don't know what is going on with my job. It would be foolish for me to decide that my job is safe, so I am trying to make some proactive plans - while not going mental. Even if I hang on to my job for a while - and I would say the odds of that happening are not that great - I need to do some serious belt-tightening and get out of debt as much as humanly possible. I need to change my lifestyle drastically. And if I lose my job - my lifestyle will be changing even more. When half a hospital closes, a good percentage of administration also has to go - and no one knows who it will be. On the "going mental" continuum of people at my workplace, I am barely on the scale... I have been through bad times before and I know I can survive.

Because I am not alone. Never. God has me firmly in the palm of his hand, I just can't see it. But I know it.

I still feel so sad about the changes going on in the place that I have loved for the last 15 years I have worked there. It is not just a workplace, it is a place with a noble mission and many noble persons whose life's work has been carrying out that mission. But it looks like our world no longer values that.... but don't get me started...

I will know more specifics on September 4. And you will be among the first to know. And thank you for your prayers and your caring. I really really appreciate it.


Hope said...

I haven't ever heard of those foam rollers before.

I often feel so loved after going to confession. And tears, once a Sister told me tears were a form of prayer and that continues to be a comfort to me. I am glad you got a priest who blessed you in more ways than one.

Hugs to you across the miles tonight. Will lift you up in prayer tomorrow during Mass.

dAAve said...

At least you have a program to live by.

Trailboss said...

Mary, I hope and pray that things work out for you. I know you will be OK because you have the Lord on your side. No one can go wrong that way.

I would love to know more about this roller you speak of. I have horrible back pain and would love to know anything that might help. I did way too much at work thurs and fri and am paying for it now by sitting on a heating pad every time I sit down.

Prayers for you and everyone else going thru this horrible time of uncertainly. Take care my friend.

Lou said...

I loved this post! You are at the place in life where the money spent on Biblical school supersedes any other expenses. I'm glad to be at an age where I understand that.

God provides. It's that simple, even in the darkest hours.

Scott W said...

I agree. We cannot let go of the things that feed us spiritually.

Pam said...

Yes, I am glad you are going to figure out a way to stay at your beloved Biblical School. It has brought you such joy.
An action plan could be: the paperwork necessary for unemployment and start a folder so you can access that immediately if necessary. on your resume and have it printed nice and ready.
3.start a list of your strong suits that could transfer over to another industry. ready to look for the window that God will be opening.
You are a capable woman.
You will be able to move on to whatever the next chapter is.

Ed G. said...

I have a foam roller and found it useful.

I'm sorry for your stress and chronic pain - I can't imagine what it would take to live a useful life in chronic pain. I don't think I possess that now...

I hope for you a better future and a short transition to that...

Blessings and aloha...

~C~ said...

I wish I would of known about the rollers a month ago. I had 3 days inbed due to back pain. Was awful!! I wish you a speedy recovery. I admire your faith in your job situation. Your an excellent example of the 3rd step! blessings to you, and I love reading your blog!


Syd said...

I'm glad that you are being proactive. And that you are taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do. These are uncertain times to be sure.

I too am fascinated by the roller. Please let me know where you got it. It might do me some good on my lower back.