Tools

I am using everything in my arsenal of weapons against despair. I have had horrible back pain since the middle of last week - I am sure it has something to do with stress. For anyone who has had back pain and never used a foam roller (pictured above), check it out. It is really a wonderful thing.

I went to the 6:30 meeting this morning. I usually like the Saturday morning meeting because there are so many people there. My back was hurting so bad that I really felt like I was barely there mentally.

Later, I went to Opening Prayer Day of Biblical School. I almost didn't go. I had pretty much made up my mind that I could not possibly afford to continue to attend - well, I can afford to attend, I just can't afford to pay. However, after being there today, I have decided that until I absolutely CANNOT pay for it, I will continue. It is just so good. It is such a wonderful thing. It was so good to see my friends as we now enter our 3rd year of 4... we are getting to know each other, and it is nice.

On the way home, I stopped into my old, old church to go to confession. They did a major overhaul of the church about 10 years ago, just after I moved to the other side of town, and I have never been there since they have a "new" church. They also have a small chapel, where the confessional was. I went and cried to the priest. Yes, literally cried. He was wonderful and had helpful suggestions for me.

Tomorrow I am going for a hike with a friend from work. I haven't hiked for years ... not since I have been training for races constantly. It will be really good to put on my hiking boots and hit the trail. I will take lots of photos.

I really don't know what is going on with my job. It would be foolish for me to decide that my job is safe, so I am trying to make some proactive plans - while not going mental. Even if I hang on to my job for a while - and I would say the odds of that happening are not that great - I need to do some serious belt-tightening and get out of debt as much as humanly possible. I need to change my lifestyle drastically. And if I lose my job - my lifestyle will be changing even more. When half a hospital closes, a good percentage of administration also has to go - and no one knows who it will be. On the "going mental" continuum of people at my workplace, I am barely on the scale... I have been through bad times before and I know I can survive.

Because I am not alone. Never. God has me firmly in the palm of his hand, I just can't see it. But I know it.

I still feel so sad about the changes going on in the place that I have loved for the last 15 years I have worked there. It is not just a workplace, it is a place with a noble mission and many noble persons whose life's work has been carrying out that mission. But it looks like our world no longer values that.... but don't get me started...

I will know more specifics on September 4. And you will be among the first to know. And thank you for your prayers and your caring. I really really appreciate it.