I haven't got the sense of ease and comfort that I normally have.
The hospital where I work is still on lock down. I have to pass an armed guard on my way in and out these days. The size of the hospital has decreased by approximately 50% in the last month. There are still several patients desperately in need of dispo who keep one unit open, but it will remain open for only two more days. Those patients will go somewhere regardless of whether it is a "good" or "bad" placement for them. And the staff will move along too. People I have worked with for over 15 years will just be gone on January 4.
There is a part of me that is so sick of this, I just want those people gone and out of my sight. I am so sick of the grieving. I am so sick of the survivor's guilt. I am so sick of crying with people. These changes were announced on September 4. This is a long damn time to draw something out. I am sure if I were the one who was losing my job it wouldn't seem like such a long time, but I just want this over with.
As a person who compulsively watches the news, and then carefully avoids political spillage here, I have to say, in the most neutral way I can - I am finding the news profoundly discouraging. And I think I am going to have to do what I did when my son was in Iraq and turn the channel to The Simpsons and other mindless entertainment - if they show that man's explosive laden underwear one more time.
On said news for months I have heard that the credit card companies were increasing rates and decreasing credit limits, so when I saw the envelope in the mail last night, I just said "oh no." And sure enough, my fave credit card's limit was decreased by $5,000. Now, I know, I don't need to have super high credit limits and this amount of money is not really a big deal, but it felt like a step backwards.
Which is precisely what I probably need to do.
Step backwards. Take a step back and think about what is really important. I certainly don't need more debt. I probably don't even need credit cards. I remember how free I felt when I had none. There are things that are important in life - and maybe for you money is one of them - but for me, money can never be one of them. It must be a servant, never my master.
I need to get going so that I can get out of here and get to a 6:30 meeting this morning. And then, I will go to work - and the good news there? There is plenty of parking! And I still have a job. Thank God.
And Thank God that I know that feelings aren't facts. I might feel like the world is ending, but that doesn't make it so. And... this too shall pass...