Friday, December 18, 2009

Mending Fences

Funny how it works. If we remain open to God's will for us, it doesn't come with GPS - as above. It doesn't work with a crowbar or bulldozer of self-will.

Some of my most meaningful amends have been the ones I couldn't make for whatever reason... the person was dead, or they wouldn't accept my amends, or I couldn't tell them what I did because they didn't know and I would hurt them by unloading my conscience on them. Etc. (Not because the amend might hurt me and therefore I opted not to make it.)

My ex-husband's current (for the last 20 years) wife is among the people I couldn't ever "win over" with any kind of "work". She just doesn't like me. She doesn't have to like me.

I went to my daughter's graduation today and walked into a huge arena - what are the odds that I would just happen to sit just behind this woman and my grandchildren? Well, I did. And when I realized it, my first thought was to quietly slip away. But instead, I tapped my oldest granddaughter on her shoulder and said "hi." The girls were delighted and squealed "NANA!" And she turned around and said "hi mary." I was able to smile as nice as I possibly can and said hi back. I took one of the kids, she kept the other. We watched the graduation together.

When it was all over, my daughter was shocked to see us sitting together. I told her to join my daughter and I would take a picture of them together. Then she took a picture of my daughter and I. Then some generous stranger told us to all stand together and he would be happy to take a picture of us all! The adults all looked like maybe we would get sick, but we did it anyway. I want a copy of that picture!

Oh, I am sure she still doesn't like me. But at least we spoke to each other. She has been unwilling to speak to me since I think 1997. It made my daughter happy.

These things really never end. Amends great and small. I thank God for the opportunities he places in my path. I cannot create them. I cannot make them happen. I have tried and have made huge fiascos.

But when I am open to God's will for me, oh, the wonderful things that happen! It is absolutely astounding!

Oh, and my daughter is pretty amazing too! I am so proud of her!

13 comments:

Patty said...

That you both could be there for your daughter, all differences aside, is amazing! As a child of divorced parents I have never been able to experience this kind of harmony. What a wonderful gift for your daughter and grand children.

Ed G. said...

Lovely story. It's easy to forget that some of the most amazing amends stories I have and have heard others share take as long as 25 years.

Thanx for sharing.

Blessings and aloha...

Findon said...

So glad the day worked out as it did for you Mary. You played your part and the result was a positive experience for all.

Mary LA said...

Amazing! What a wonderful story.

Pam said...

Talk about God being the director!!
What an excellent memory for the grand babies!
How great that your daughter got to remain the center of attention and not have to deal with any drama!
Sometimes God just shocks the shit out of me with his awesomeness.

Scott W said...

Pammie said, "Sometimes God just shocks the shit out of me with his awesomeness." Love that cos it happens every day!

Syd said...

She may not like you but you were both civil and put your daughter's happiness ahead of a grudge. That is awesome.

Carverlane said...

"It made my daughter happy." HOW WONDERFUL is that?

Scott said...

congratulations to your daugher and to you gals for being there together for your daughter... of all the seats in that arena, lol God had a hand in that :-)

Trailboss said...

This is a wonderful post. It is good that it was about your daughter and not petty spats that she could't let go. After all, it made everyone happy and that's what it's all about.

Doc in Al-Anon said...

It sounds like a day of grace. What we all wish for. I'm glad you got to have this day.

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