I went to my friend Ron's Memorial "Service" today. It was a meeting at my old homegroup. We went around the room and reminisced about Ron. Most of the folks were relatively new. Most of the folks talked about how Ron cussed. Oh me, oh my. Oh, Ron said the "F" word! He dropped the "F" Bomb! He said all those other words. Some people talked about how they couldn't get past that.
Some people talked about how he was a womanizer. Yep. That was my Ron. The younger women thought he was a cute little old man who was a bit of a "dirty old man." Oh, if they only knew! He was a virile, sexy man not that damn long ago.
Since when did AA become a puritanical society where no one can offend anyone with a four letter word? We all used to sit around smoking, drinking coffee, cussing up a storm, and staying sober, one day at a time. Oh yeah, and we went on twelve step calls, helped each other when we needed a helping hand and we knew where each other lived and what our last names were. Now we are "nice" people who leave directly after the Lord's prayer and have no idea who we are standing next to.
Oh for crying out loud. I don't know how this happened.
Isn't it nice that we are all so nice now. Poor Ron, sober 37 years and people can only talk about his vocabulary. He gratefully rendered prison service for almost all of his sobriety, but only one or two people in that room even knew that. He stayed sober through some of the most atrocious life circumstances I have ever heard of, and was always grateful and always willing to help another alcoholic, but he said the "f" word and I guess that negates every good work.
A few years ago, a nice older woman who is a friend of mine told me that she would never say that word in a meeting again. She said that once it was out of her mouth people stopped listening to her. I have found it to be true as well. It did not used to be like that.
Not that I care to listen to a whole lot of it, but it is disturbing to me that this wonderful man is only remembered for his colorful language when he was fully alive for 70 years and fully sober for 37 of those years. Thirty-Seven years.
God Bless You Ron Rupich. I love you. And I will forever.
14 comments:
I'm sorry for you loss Mary.Ron sounds like he had a beautiful heart. What has given me hope more times than I can count is that the God of my understanding sees the heart. I take great comfort in that.
sorry for the loss of Ron,so he was a colorful man whenhe spoke.the most inportant thing was his soberity.and that he lived a good sober life.that is what needs to be remembered.I know I would remember this if I could of had the pleasure of his company.
I'm sorry for your loss - a hazard of longevity in this deal is that we stack up a lot of funerals through the years.
It takes all of us. I hope someone fills Ron's shoes for those yet to come.
Blessings and aloha...
I have a friend 34 years sober who always says he hopes AA doesn't die of respectability!
A lovely tribute to Ron.
That's the thing about memorials. The one thing that was different or unusual about you, that is what the whole service turns into. I shudder to think what people will focus on with me. Actually, my dream memorial would be my husband and my 2 kids..they are the ones who really know me, but love me anyway.
You shared all that with the group didn't you? All that stuff you knew him to be? Ron is probably laughing now because we alcoholics can be a silly bunch.
Oh yes, I shared that with the group. And I did my best Yugoslavian impression of "I am so focking grateful to be soberrrrr."
Not at Lambda. I hear every cuss word ever made up and then some. We celebrate our imperfections.
Maybe those younger people didn't have the chance to know all those facts about Ron. Be grateful that you did.
I guess that there isn't much difference with the recovery folks and others who tend to not really know the dead person and are just glad that it isn't they who died. It's a sad commentary on someone's life. But people still have their character defects and judging seems to be alive and well. As long as you remember Ron then he will live on with you and that's important.
Ron sounds like he'd have fit right in at my Wednesday night men's meeting. We'd have been glad to have him. I'd have been fucking glad to know him.
Sounds like he was fortunate to have known people like you,Mary who saw more than the swearing!!
Sorry for your loss.
Tab
Here I have been beating myself up for saying some rather surly things lately. We are not Saints!
Personally, I hate it when people talk ill of the dead, really makes me sick to my stomach.
Sad to hear about Ron. Being in drug alcohol treatment programs is one of those things where you'll see a lot of friends die. It's unfortunate.
First of all, I am sorry for the loss of your friend, secondly,I wanna come to the meetings you're talking about lol ;-) they will accept people like me!!
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