Roses

As a child, I didn't understand the point of flowers. You couldn't eat them, they didn't do anything, and I thought grown ups were overly fond of them. For instance, when I would pick flowers out of other people's gardens, my mother would be apoplectic. I didn't see what the big deal was.

My mother died when I was 19, and for many years after her funeral, I could absolutely not stand the smell of roses. I called them "funeral flowers." My mother's coffin was covered with a huge spray of red roses. I believed that if God wanted us to admire roses, he would not have covered their stems with lethal thorns.

My ex-husband used to buy me roses. It annoyed me. I finally told him to stop wasting money like that. If he wanted to buy me something, I would prefer he buy me something that lasted longer than 3 days. I was a very pragmatic drunk.

I think I got a bit more sentimental after getting sober, although I couldn't give you an exact time line. I know my next husband called roses "guilt offerings." He had such a bitter take on everything. He thought the only reason a husband would buy roses or jewelry was guilt. The first Christmas we were married I was horrified to find that he did not purchase me a Christmas gift. He explained that he didn't have any reason to.

When we divorced, I rented a beautiful little house that was over 100 years old. I was then in my 40s, and sober over 10 years. In the backyard was a climbing rose bush. It was covered with red roses. I loved those roses. Every Sunday, I cut a passel of them and brought them in and placed them in a vase. The vase was present on my dining room table all summer long.

When I bought this house ten years ago, my very own house with a little patch of ground in the front and the back for a garden - or whatever I wanted - I was thrilled. I planted roses. I started very conservatively, I was afraid of roses. I thought they were difficult to grow. But they aren't. So, I have added a rose bush per year for the last several years. And now I have roses.

If the economy were better, I would sell this house with all its roses and move to a condo. I am older and training for a marathon which takes every molecule of my energy. My beloved neighbor started mowing my lawn and doing all its upkeep about a year ago. I love her for this. I do still tend my roses, but I sure don't take care of the rest of all this greenery. Thank God for my neighbor.

I don't know that anyone is interested in my obsession with roses, but I don't have anything going on this morning and wanted to write about this non-topic. I think it is interesting that I hated them, then came to love them, and now I am willing to let go of them. I still love them though.

Sobriety is a lot like that I think. If you have truly put your life in God's hands, all manner of changes can happen that you never expected. You just need to be open to what God has planned and let go of what you expected.

It is good.