I have now been divorced from that man for nearly 17 years - it's been almost 18 years since I walked away from our home with just a backpack. So, normally, I don't think about this, or when I do, it is not with the feeling that I have right now.
One of my sponsees is going through a terrible breakup as I have mentioned several days running. Her partner has resorted to this tactic. She is calling it "addict mode." I asked my sponsee this rhetorical question: Were you ever an addict? The answer was no. But, because she is not behaving the way the other person would like her to, she is in "addict mode." And since I, as her sponsor, have been kept apprised all along, her partner has questioned my "ability to be a sponsor."
My daughter is also going through a terrible breakup. Please God, she gets away from this man, it has been a sick, sick, relationship - as frequently our relationships in early sobriety are. She called me yesterday to tell me that he was threatening to call me, her mother, to tell me that my daughter is "using." I must admit I first asked my daughter - are you still clean and sober? yes. Are you going to meetings? yes. Do you have a sponsor? yes. Are you talking with her? yes, every day, and meeting with her once a week face to face. OK then, I HOPE he calls me. Really, I do. She said he probably won't call me because I terrify him, but she wanted to warn me in case he did.
I guess when you cannot take responsibility for your own behavior and its impact on another person, it makes sense to impugn their integrity.
Praise God, I am not in that dark, dark place. Nor are my daughter or sponsee.
But I gotta tell you, I think this is cheap, cheap behavior.
Again, I am grateful I get to go sit in silence in a church basement all day today. At 3 o'clock, I will join the other ladies in the other room and pray. Oh, this is SO what I needed this week. Thank you God.