Saturday, June 18, 2011

Unless you are an alcoholic of the hopeless variety...

I need to be out of here in a half hour, I am trying to get a bowl of oatmeal and a strong cup of coffee down my gullet. I don't function well when I don't get enough sleep, and I certainly did not get enough last night.

My next door neighbors have abandoned their home and left it to their children - who are both in their twenties. The parents are living elsewhere in town, so they drop by occasionally. The daughter is a fine young woman who is about to finish college. The son is a nightmare, and probably a "future fellow." I have lost more sleep because of this kid than all of my three children put together, from infancy onward. The "kids" haven't mowed the lawn once this year, their mother's flower beds are overrun with weeds. The tree in the front yard is now hanging almost to the ground. It looks abandoned.

But for the noise at night. The young man likes to drink and find other folks who welcome the idea of going to someone's parents' house for a "party." When I was 24 I had a child to take care of, and my husband was working every day, we had our own home and responsibilities. When my son was 24, he was already the veteran of a foreign war and seven years into his career. I cannot imagine finding other people to go to a parents' house to whoop it up in the front and back yards. But he finds them.

I was about to call the police at 1 a.m. when I looked out the window to see why the ruckus seemed to have moved to under my bedroom window. I was greeted by the welcomed sight of two young men, their handcuffed hands behind their backs, being led away by the police. My little entitled friend was telling the police they were violating his rights and they would be sorry. Which didn't endear him to the police either. I overheard the police say the complaint came from 2 blocks away and they had no problem finding the source of the noise from 2 blocks away. It took another hour, with five police cars in front of my house, before they drove away. I believe they found drugs in the house.

I know the little man was going to detox, which probably means he will be home later today, but I pray he can get the idea that he needs to quit doing this. It is not my job to diagnose him an alcoholic, but I do hope he gets some help.

I have spent many nights awake, listening to him cuss, fight, brawl, sing, etc.... fantasizing how I would greet him if and when he gets "to the rooms." In the daylight hours, I know I would welcome him with open arms, just like everyone else. But I have had some dark, dark, thoughts in the wee hours of the morning when I should have been sleeping but for the chaos next door.

Which leads me back to what I posted yesterday. It always frightens me a bit when people talk about "s/he might as well be drunk," "If THAT is sobriety, I would rather be drunk," "I want more than just being DRY." If you are an alcoholic of the type that I am, and most of the people I am close to are, being DRY is infinitely better than being drunk. No one ever led me out of my house with handcuffs behind my back for lacking "emotional sobriety."

Granted, I do want to grow - every single day. I strive for emotional sobriety, and I think most of the time I have it today. But I didn't start out that way, most of us don't.

I will always thank God that I am sober - no matter what that looks like. Because no matter what, it doesn't look or feel like being drunk.

God, have mercy on my little friend next door. Please find him the help he needs and soften his heart so that he might accept it. Thank you.


Syd said...

Well, maybe this is his wake up call. Let's hope so.

dAAve said...

It takes what it takes; for each of us that's a little different.
What parents? How can they just abandon this situation?

Pammie said...

"I will always thank God that I am sober - no matter what that looks like." - TO THIS I SAY AMEN!

Jeremy said...

I will pray for you both. I love your perspective, thank you for sharing it

Lou said...

You articulated perfectly something that has been on my mind. When someone comes from many, many years of alcoholism/addiction, they essentially have not participated in life as non addicts know it. They don't just "get it" in a few days, weeks, or even months.

But in our house, are days of a not perfect recovery preferable to a depraved, crime ridden life of a dope fiend? You betcha'!!

Sean Marrin said...

If anything, it led you to write a really great post. Hope this young guy has enough hurting to get him to change.

Reading this reminded me of a saying my friend throws around often, and one you've probably heard before: "sometimes the hardest people to love are the ones who need it the most."

Kudos to you for the health and perspective to see enough of yourself in this young fellow to only "think" about all the ways to enact revenge. Thanks for good Saturday reading.

AnyEdge said...

I'm amazed at your tolerance. I too would welcome him with open arms in a meeting. But when he's drunk and loud at night? I'd call the cops every single night. And I'd probably see if there is some sort of 'noise restraining order' injunction I could have him hit with to up the ante. Nothing wrong with helping him to the bottom.


AnyEdge said...

The word verification I had to put in was 'abusnest'. He's abusing his nest.

Mary Christine said...

I decided today that I will not ever be kept awake by him again without calling the police. He needs to be accountable for his bx.

I guess I never have quite forgotten the time I called the cops and they stood outside and asked him if there was a neighbor with a grudge against him. But then again, maybe he seemed a bit "cuter" when he was 17 than he is at 24.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Good news today is I know we would rather be alive and seeking sobriety: emotional, mental and physical today, because we understand that the God idea in the big book is happy, joyous and free. And though I don't exactly know what that all is or entails yet, I'm sober today and have some stuff to look forward to and stuff to be grateful for today.

And that is a good start on the road.

I hope this early morning activity will help to bring more peace to your neighborhood and more understanding and acceptance of responsibility and truth to the family next door.

I am grateful that you share your experience!