Tuesday, June 07, 2011

June 7

It was 30 years ago that I was raped. If you would have told me then that I would still have this date engraved in my soul thirty years later, I would not have believed it. But my life was irrevocably changed that night. (I wrote about it in depth here.)

Two years ago I was suffering terribly from PTSD from the rape and underwent therapy for it. It was immensely helpful. And just sitting here tonight, about to go to bed, I am brought to tears remembering. I was asked to name a "safe place" before we began the therapy. I thought it was lame, but the best safe place I could come up with was my own bedroom. My own bed. In all of its glorious whiteness, the crisp white sheets, the white duvet, the white duvet cover, all bleached, ironed, and starched. The window open and the sheers floating on a warm breeze.

This is exactly the safe place that I get to fall into in a moment. This is no dream. This is my reality today. I have a safe place to lay my head.

And if you are an alcoholic woman, you may know what a miracle this is.

God has blessed me so abundantly. I am so grateful to be sober. I am so grateful for the beautiful life I have today.

10 comments:

Mary LA said...

I am so sorry you had to go through that.

Everyone needs a safe place, somewhere secure, comforting and beautiful.

dAAve said...

G'night.

Lou said...

I remember your story, and the bravery it took to put it out there. Of course you can never forget. I do believe some events are so traumatic, we need professional help to get through them.

Pammie said...

safe and comfy for an alcoholic woman just seemed like the impossible dream didn't it?

Sober Julie said...

I have had PTSD counselling as well and had to picture my safe place. Funny but it was my childhood bed. I'm grateful now as an alcoholic to have my bedroom be my safe place, actually I'm grateful for laying my head on the pillow each night without shame or guilt.
Feeing isn't it?

KarenR1213 said...

It is a testament to your strength and the program that you are able to be grateful today. Thank you.

kel said...

I am happy you have a safe place to rest your head, and I am happy you have decided to give blogging another chance... I have missed you...

doggielover said...

Your strength is amazing, thank you for sharing such a personal thing. YOU have helped me today more than you know.

Patty said...

I feel the same way about my nice, big soft comfy bed. Ahhh. I am also glad you are back here blogging, safe and sober:)

Syd said...

What a terrible thing to have happened. I know that you wrote about it before but every time that I read it, I am struck by how horrible rape is. There are decent men and women who are not sick with power and anger. I know that you know that. But it is worth a reminder to myself.