Thursday, January 29, 2009

penultimate workday this week

I woke this morning thinking it was Friday.  And payday.  It is not Friday, and it is not payday.  But it is not the last 2 days either.  I have a bunch of stuff to do today, but not on the order of the stuff I did in the last 2 days.  I am grateful to have the last couple of days behind me.  And I am grateful to be gainfully employed.  

You know, we in AA talk about sharing our own experience, strength, and hope with each other that we may solve our common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.   I think we stress that so much so that there isn't much to argue about when someone shares their very own experience, strength, and hope.  When someone veers into sharing their opinions or their ideas about what YOU should do, it tends to raise the hackles of alcoholics and the argument ensues.  I do, however, get kind of surprised when there is argument about my experience.  That just is weird to me.  

On a "social networking" site, my niece wrote that she was scanning REALLY OLD photos.  When I saw that, I thought "Oh, no."  And sure enough, a few minutes later, I was tagged in a photo of a very drunk me, 29 years ago, sitting with my year old twins on my lap, a bloody mary in front of me, it is broad daylight outside, and my brother is sitting behind me, lighting a cigarette.   When you stay sober for a couple of decades, the tangible evidence of your drunkenness doesn't often raise its ugly head.  That photo was like a very cold glass of water in the face.  Very sobering to see this drunken crazy woman, and the two little unhappy babies sitting on my lap, and the booze all around me.  (I did have cute Farrah Fawcett hair though.) I wrote something to my niece, and she responded that she thought I might hate that photo, but she has kept it for all these years because it is SO what those years were like.  Yes, it is.  (shudder)

Grateful that I am a sober woman today.  Thank You God!


9 comments:

J-Online said...

I was talking with someone yesterday and said "see you tomorrow." as we are getting together on Saturday. She said "jenn, it's only Wednesday."

I recently saw some old pictures where I was drunk and the look in my eyes frightened me.

Pam said...

Did it seem like some other "mary?"
When I see an old pic of me (and there aren't many around) it seems like someone I used to know, but not really me.

Syd said...

mc, I look at photos when we were just married and feel sad that the innocence was damaged by alcohol. But I can' t go back. Thankfully I have been given another chance to do things better.

Maainerevgal said...

There's a picture of me ( at age 10) drinking a can of Coors beer. I keep it around as a reminder of what life used to be like. Sober life truly is a miracle!

GratefulOne said...

Photos sometimes are the shadows that we need to see on the ground every once in awhile. Keep on truckin'.

Kathy Lynne said...

I have a nice family potrait of us taken when my kids were small in one of those mall places. I am standing behind my husband with my hand on his shoulder. People look at it and say..what a nice family picture...but I know how hungover I was for that photo and that I had spent the night after work with someone who was not the man in the photo.

Scott W said...

Just glance at the past, don't stare at it.

dAAve said...

... nor wish to shut the door on it.

Scott said...

oooh flashbacks nice! lol and premature friday-ism... that requires a little extra prayer to get the attitude on track, eh??

:-) lol