Sunday, January 11, 2009

Some Pointers...

Okay.  I am so sick today that I actually haven't eaten breakfast yet and nothing sounds good so I can't imagine that I am going to eat any time soon.  Now, for me, that is a symptom of some serious sickness.

I was going to write a post about pointers on how to be a sponsee, but I have gotten side-tracked by watching my favorite Sunday morning news show.  So, here is a pointer for the news media:  If you spend several years setting someone up to get elected and then they do, could you please continue to be nice to him?  He is going to be the President of the United States, let's cut him some slack, OK?  He has arguably one of the worst situations to come into, let's all get on board - especially those of you who wouldn't say anything negative about him a few short months ago.  OK?

Okay, now on to being a sponsee:

  • Your sponsor is a human being.  She sleeps, eats, breathes, and just wants to stay sober, just like you.
  • She is not paid, and does not receive any remuneration for the time and effort she spends on you.  She just works with others because it is part of the deal (and usually a joy).
  • If your sponsor tells you she goes to bed at 8:30 p.m., don't call every night at about 9:30 p.m., especially after you have been told this is not OK.
  • When you call, it is common courtesy to ask "how are you?" or "do you have a second to talk?" or somehow inquire as to the sponsor's condition before you launch into your problems/complaints.
  • If your sponsor suggests that you do something that is not immoral or illegal, don't shop around for differing opinions and then come back to your sponsor and tell her why you shouldn't do it... that, in my book, is the end of the sponsorship relationship.
  • Sponsorship is a principle, not a personality.  If you trust God, you trust God to put the right sponsor into your life... then you stop running the show and learn how to ask for and receive help.
Can anyone increase the list?


steveroni said...

1. Mary, it is painful to read how you are suffering, not only physically, but mentally...what with your upcoming activities. God has to make you well, NOW. He doesn't have a lot of time. (I try not to put limits on God any more!)

2. I'm calling my sponsor right now, and tell him how much I appreciate his time and effort with me--and others. He is sober 33 years, two years fewer than me. BUT, he is a retired counselor, an old-time Big Book guy.

Peace, and get well soon!

Maainerevgal said...

*Your sponsor does not keep you sober. God, and working the steps do. She is there to support you in your recovery, but it is yours, so do the work!
*Pray for your sponsor-- she's doing life one day at a time, just like you.
*Should you need to change sponsors, be kind about it, and thank her for the time she's invested in you before you move on.

Kim A. said...

I have to remind myself ALOT to just shut up and LISTEN to her. I sponsored myself for a few years and well..we all know how that ended.. :-)


Findon said...

Wow. Sponsees are the same the world over!!!
How about adding " The sponsee does ALL the running. Its not the job of the sponsor to ensure you do the steps.. Thats the sponsees job.

or. A Sponsee phones the sponsor, not the other way around. Thats about ego deflating and learning about humility. Its not the sponsors job to chase around after wayward sponsees.

dAAve said...

I should not depend on my sponsor to make me happy.
I should not ask my sponsor for money - ever.
I can ask my sponsor for other favors, just as I would any other friend. But I should not EXPECT a favor just because he/she is my sponsor.
And on and on and on...
Get well girl.

Trailboss said...

Poor baby. Sounds like you are having a rough go at it. The soup will help as you know.

Sure hope you are feeling better real soon!

Scott W said...

It's a mutually respectful relationship, act like it.

I am on board with being nice.

Lou said...

I'm happy to say I knew the rules you wrote. I call it common sense LOL!

Patty said...

Hope are felling better soon, Mary. When your sponsor is sharing his/her experience, stength and hope with you in-do not interrupt, especially with- yea, but.

J-Online said...

I have to agree with Lou! It is 100% common sense!

Scott W said...

Hope you are feeling better when you read this, probably Monday morning. I didn't call back as I didn't know when you would be sleeping. But call me if you still have the question.

Syd said...

I hope that you feel better MC. Glad that you wrote about sponsoring.

I think that it's important that the sponsee understands that the sponsor is a guide to the steps and not a therapist.

I also think that the sponsee needs to recognize that the relationship is a mutual one. The sponsor isn't perfect and still has character defects.

A sponsor is part of a legacy of the program and applies what has been handed down and what the literature says.

Thanks for reminders about what a sponsor is.