Respect

I work in a hospital.  A large part of my job is to look at the quality of the work of others.  In the last couple of years I have noticed something disconcerting - to put it mildly.  The work ethic of the younger health care providers is appalling.  I am afraid for what is going to happen in the next decade when the older people (like me) are all retired.  And I am really afraid about what it is going to be like by the time I expect to be ailing and in need of some serious health care.  

When feedback is given to the younger folks, the recent grads, the young, energetic, and smart ones... their attitude is nothing short of defiant.  They have "rights."  And they have no respect.  I realize I am speaking in broad generalities, but generally speaking, this is the case.  

So, what is the point?  The point is that I have absolutely had it with this blog.  And I think it is for some of the very same reasons.  The younger/newly sober/not sober people have no work ethic when it comes to being real AA members.  They are defiant.  They have "rights."  And they have no respect for anyone else.  

In the last couple of months I have been told that someone would "have to kill" me if she lived with me - WTF?  I don't recall asking anyone to live with me.  Someone today told me not to get my "panties all in a bunch :)"  cute.  

So, I try to stay above the fray.  There are a lot of strangers who happen along this blog in their search to find some info about AA and how to live sober.  I can share what it is like to be a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I can share 24 and a half years of sober experience. (Pammie wrote about sober experience today and got told that we "have to respect all experience." - Really?  I can "respect" all experience, but I don't want to learn how to be an active alcoholic, a convict, or a drug addict.  I don't want to learn how to be someone who is in crisis every day.  I have done that and I have learned from that, and I can share that with you if you would like, but if you are so full of yourself, you probably don't want to learn from someone else's experience.  And for me,  I would rather listen to those who have what I aspire to have.)  

If you want to be a "recovery blogger" shouldn't you at least be trying to recover from something?  What is your message?  Do you have one?

If you want to know what it is like to stay sober one day at a time for some years, I may be able to share that with you.  Not opinions.  Not book reviews.  Not the varieties of pharmacological solutions I have found.

I can tell you what it was like to get sober, and shaking and sweating it out in a house with my husband and three kids.  I can tell you what it was like to care for those children and maintain a household while I was shaking and sweating it out.  I couldn't afford "rehab," so I just went to AA and hung on with my fingernails and it started getting better.

I can tell you what it is like to get a divorce sober because your husband doesn't want you to be sober.  I can tell you what it is like to try to re-enter the workforce after 10 years as a housewife.  I can tell you what it is like to go to sleep at night not knowing where the next meal for you and your kids is coming from.  And you know what?  Back in those days, we DID NOT TAKE XANAX, OR VALIUM, OR SLEEPING PILLS, OR ANTIDEPRESSANTS.  Sorry to be politically incorrect, but we just didn't do that.  We were told we had to learn how to live without chemical intervention.  

I can tell you what it is like to pay a babysitter to get to an AA meeting, with money that was so dear it might have meant I wouldn't have lunch the next day.  And on the way to that meeting, I might have picked up a couple of drunks in worse shape than me - and I was grateful to be able to do it.  

I can tell you all about the day I lost the battle for the custody of my children and they went to live with their father.  I can describe for you what it was like to pack up their little clothes into suit cases, and how as my daughter said goodbye to me, she handed me her very favorite stuffed animal "love bug" and I still have that little bunny.  I can tell you what it is like to NOT DRINK, TAKE XANAX, OR VALIUM OR SLEEPING PILLS, OR ANTIDEPRESSANTS on that day - or any other.  

I can share with you what it was like to go back to college (full time) at the age of 43, while working full time, going to meetings, and being the GSR of my homegroup.  

I can tell you about suiting up my regalia and getting my Master of Science degree 7 years later.  I can tell you about my house being full of school people, work people, AA people, and family.  And there was no booze.  None.  And I didn't drink that day either.  

I can describe for you the sleepless nights while my son was in Iraq.  They were sleepless because I was worried and I didn't have booze or pills to rely on.  I had prayer and I had friends.  And I leaned on both of them.  

I can share with you what it is like to have a daughter who is a meth addict.  I can share what it is like to watch your daughter lose custody of her kids and the heartbreak that goes with that.  I can tell you what it was like for me this morning when she went to the 6:30 a.m. meeting with me.  

I will happily tell you about the half-marathon I ran last weekend and the awesome trip to Phoenix that went with it.  I can tell you about the tulips that are coming up in my yard and why that means so much to me.  I can tell you about the boxes of floor in my basement waiting for my sponsee to have time to install them (and I AM paying her to do that, in case you were wondering).  

I will be thrilled to tell you all about my sponsor who will be celebrating 36 years of sobriety in 2 weeks.  Continuous sobriety.  No breaks.  No xanax, or valium, sleeping pills, or antidepressants.   She has been kind enough to share her story with me (and many others).  Her story is a lot like mine.  She stayed sober through it all.  One day at a time.  I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for this woman who takes the time to share her life with me.  How gracious and how generous she is.  And she is facing newly sober people for the first time in her AA experience who have no interest in listening to an "old lady" like her.  Oh, if they only knew! 

The ego of youth!  Oh, you couldn't possibly understand ME!  Oh, the world has changed!  When someone tells me that I just laugh.  And when they hear my story they realize that nothing has changed.  Alcoholism has been alcoholism since Noah got drunk and passed out in his tent, and that has been quite a while ago now.

All experience may be created equal.  We all may have only today.  But I can choose in which direction I would like to move.  I can choose who I would care to emulate.  And I have no interest in emulating a person who can't stay sober for more than a year or two.  Sorry, but I just have no interest in living that way.  

If you are interested in my experience, I would be happy to share with you.  But could we just be a little bit respectful?