Losses

Do you know if you do a search for images of women crying, you get photos of beautiful women with tiny little tear drops falling down their beautiful cheeks? That is not my experience of crying. When I cry, I despair! I wail! My face turns into a red, puffy, swollen thing not very similar to the image I can abide each morning in the mirror as I apply my make up.

Anyway, I have been late to work almost every day this week. And I think it is because I sit at this computer trying to find my way without my old companions. Particularly Pammie. On Sunday evening last week I actually saw when she took her blog down. I happened to have my computer set on "tabs," so I had a small view of her blog along with all the other things I had open. And then it was gone. Oh, that hurt. I am sure it was incredibly painful for her.

Do you know that these relationships aren't just things on my computer monitor? I know that some bloggers actually know some other bloggers in real life... particularly in Houston, The Sober Blogging Mecca. When I started blogging, I did not know any other bloggers. I think the first bloggers I met - and I could be wrong, because I have met lots of them - were in Houston in 2007.

In April 2007, I went to Galveston to my nephew's wedding and decided to drive to Houston for a day or two to meet Daave and Scott. I didn't really know Pam at that point. Imagine sitting at a Starbuck's with Daave, Scott W., Pammie, Zane, Ricky!!!, and others, too numerous to even remember. It was amazing.

I went back to Houston, as Daave's guest, in November of 2008 to attend a roundup. I stayed in Daave's home (which is very lovely). Scott W. picked me up at the airport. I got to sit between Pam and Scott at the banquet. Scott's sponsor was kind enough to take me to mass at the Cathedral (which is incredibly beautiful) in Houston and then to breakfast on that Sunday.

Last year, I met Ed G. because of blogging. He lives in a town nearby. He and his wife are people I am grateful to know. It is very odd to say that I would not have met him if not for blogging, but I am quite sure that is true.

And in October, when Daave came to town to buy a car, I was thrilled to have him stay as a guest in my home! As we drove up, he saw my front porch and said he would recognize it anywhere because I have posted so many photos of it here on my blog. He is a real friend.

My point? Well, I guess I have a minor point - I am struggling without Pam. My more major point - and one I hadn't intended to write about? How much the relationships with other bloggers have meant to me. I am not talking superficial stuff here. These are real relationships with real people, and:

I really love them.

xoxoxoxox