Monday, April 12, 2010

Most of the things I have feared...

Have never happened. I spent months procrastinating doing my taxes because I "knew" I had to pay. Based on the fact that I pay every year. Or, in other words, I knew I would pay because I always pay. Yesterday afternoon, I sat down at my dining room table with a pencil, calculator, and all of my forms, and figured it out. Imagine my happy surprise when I realized that I am getting close to a thousand dollars back. I could have skipped months of dread by doing this in January or February instead of mid-April though... oh well.

Not one to ever let a financial gain be a financial gain for more than 30 seconds, I went out and immediately purchased the above - which I have wanted forever. Well, it didn't cost a thousand dollars, and it didn't put me in the hole or anything like that. But I wonder why I can't just take good news as good news without running right out and purchasing something. Yesterday afternoon, I sat on my sofa, with my little cinnabun dog curled up beside me, and read a book and listened to music. It was so lovely.

Yesterday morning I had breakfast after the meeting with a friend. I needed to talk about the shock of seeing our other friend drunk the day before. You know, it doesn't matter how long I have been sober, or how many funerals I have been to, it is horrifyingly sad. She is not dead, she is alive. But I am afraid for her. Some people just aren't done until they have drawn their last breath.

So, the dog went home with my son and daughter-in-law last night. I was sad to see him go. Today I will run walk 2 miles, then go back to work (gladly). Tonight I have Biblical School - only four weeks left of the third year - and then only one year after that! Wow. In only two weeks I start my second job - working for the census bureau.

In the immortal words of Steve Martin in the wonderful movie The Jerk - "Things are going to start happening to me now!"


12 comments:

AnyEdge said...

I feel inordinately glad that I have never seen any of my sober friends drunk. Some of them have, of course, drunk again since I've known them, but I've never seen any during the course of it. I'm sure I will. After all, I'm still pretty new around here.

I'm amazed by the sanguine way you write about it. I know you must have seen a great deal in all your time. It's humbling. I think I would feel deeply betrayed.

Kim A. said...

I love new gadgets..all kinds. I have too many but I am like Steve Martin as he is leaving his mansion, picking up the lamp, the ashtray, with his pants around his ankles! Stuff makes me feel good..am working on that one.

♥namaste♥

Carverlane said...

I can't wait to hear about your adventures at the census bureau! Have a great Monday.

Kim from sAn Antonio

drybottomgirl said...

Treating yourself once in a while is great. However I struggle with the "Once in a while". When I was drinking I could find any excuse to justify it, when I want to spend I can do the same. Something I need to work on. A lady in the Sunday morning AA meeting relapsed this weekend. It was heartbreaking watching her from across the room, she almost looked tortured. I now appreciate the "moment of silence" we observe for the alcoholic who still suffers.

Syd said...

Nice purchase. I have two of the Bose speaker systems with the iPods and love them. Your new job sounds like an adventure!

Julianne said...

Your example that life does go on in spite of our fears, real or imagined, is very hopeful for me today. Thank you for taking the lead.

dAAve said...

Cheers!!!!!!!!

PJ said...

Oh, how I relate! Exactly where I am -- putting off what I know I need to do because of fear, instead of seeing the unknown as an opportunity for good things and adventure. Your attitude is wonderful, and you totally deserved to treat yourself!

Findon said...

"Not one to ever let a financial gain be a financial gain for more than 30 seconds"

That is so me. I laughed and laughed. All the distance between us and we are so alike in ways.

Sorry to read about your friend. I cannot fathom why it happens and hope that it never happens to me, but one thing I do know is that I never will be able to predict what this horrible addictaion will do next.

Sober Move said...

I too went out and bought an I-phone yesterday. As soon as I bought it I realized how short lived the happiness and excitement from it was. I am learning that I can't always be looking for the next thing to make me happy. I have to learn to be happy for no reason or I'll live my whole life in "I'll be happy when..." land, where happiness never seems to come.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I had coffee with a newcomer that I've been "attached" (she came into my life and my heart was just well ... you know...) to since I first met her months and months ago where she 'escaped' a group of people from an interesting recovery community trying to 12-step her into sobriety over that weekend. I gave her a ride back to her apartment (her and her little dog) and I've been praying for her ever since, she just can't stop. The necessary want to live is not there YET.

God help all of those who still haven't had that moment, the one we have. The one with you alone that makes all the difference.

Thanks for continuing to write the things of your heart. This honesty and care helps me to see the light! It enhances and makes it brighter!

Ed G. said...

I so get the fear thing.

I hope everything that happens to you will be wonderful and give you joy.

Blessings and aloha...