If the last two days have been a taste of life as a retiree. I can wait. A long time. After two days off of work I want to go back. I need the structure. I need a place to go every morning. With people who expect me to be there. As much as that feels like pressure a lot of the time, I need it.
I don't mind days off when I have tons of vacation type stuff to do. Tons of money with which to do it. Places to go, people to see, etc. I was tempted to hop on the train today and go to one of my favorite hot springs resorts, but honestly, I have a multitude of plans for the summer and I see no need to spend a couple hundred dollars just to kill a day right now.
So, today I headed out to church first thing. Then I went to an AA meeting at 10 a.m. It was a good meeting. It was nice to be greeted warmly by some folks I hadn't seen for a long time. A few of the ladies and I stood around after the meeting and talked. It felt like the kind of fellowship that I am sorely missing in my life lately. We talked about real AA stuff. They asked me to come to another meeting they thought I would really like and they would like to see me there. It was very nice. Very nice.
And then I came home. I am loosing speed. I started out strong, but I feel myself just winding down... to nothing.
I think I am going to call my boss tomorrow and ask him if he minds if I cut my vacation short and come back to work on Thursday. I think this is a waste of vacation time. I have so much stuff planned for this summer when I will really need the time, I think I ought not use it now, particularly if I am not even enjoying it.
Grateful to be sober today. Grateful to attend a ten o'clock meeting. I went to many, many of those in my early sobriety. Those used to be the earliest in the morning meetings. The old retired guys used to be there. Now there are a new batch of old retired guys. I know they are very helpful to the new people who really long to hear that experience, strength, and hope.
Good night, xoxox