Thursday, February 23, 2006

Thursday Night

I came home from work today because my back is totally jacked. I woke up that way and then went out and ran, thinking it would get better. By the time I was driving to work this morning, I was actually yelling in my car it hurt so bad. I had a couple of meetings this morning that I didn't want to miss, so I went to work anyway. One of them was so bad, I left in tears. Trying my hardest to get to my office before I started sobbing. I managed to do that. Closed my office door and just wailed. Jesus. I still had another meeting to go. I managed to get through that one without crying and then came home. I was in bed (thank God for a heated mattress pad, which is like a huge heating pad) all afternoon.

Tomorrow I sincerely doubt that I am going to work. I hope to be able to get my back to calm down over the weekend. My sponsor and her husband are staying here tomorrow night. Then they are hitting the road. I am sincerely happy for them because I know they are happy about their decision to leave Denver. I am very sad for me because they will now be 300 miles away. I will visit them. In these days of cell phones, I can call just as much as I do now. But I won't see my Maureen once or twice a week, and she will not be just up the street.

I am extremely grateful that I have had the same job for 11 and a half years. They know me and know that I am not a wack case - so if I act like that for one day, it is not life threatening. I have an abundance of accumulated sick leave if I need it. I have good insurance and a good relationship with my primary care physician.

And most of all, I am grateful for a woman who has been my sponsor for over 11 years - over half of my sobriety. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever known. She is kind, and tough, and foul-mouthed, and prayerful. She is incredibly spiritual, and has both feet planted firmly on the ground. She is soft-spoken and sometimes has gravel in her voice. She is childlike, but is embarking on her retirement. She and I have gone head to head and argued and even yelled, but she has always told me she loves me and I know that she loves me, and I have always known that I love her, and told her so.


How can you ever ask for more than that?


6 comments:

Trudging said...

I hope that you feel better.

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Ahhh I hope you do what you need to do to make your back feel better. And as for your foul mouthed friend...hehehe...sounds like me.
Fuck'A
I see you,
JJ

dAAve said...

Hope your back prob doesn't keep you from enjoying the evening with your sponsor.

Your back - could it be a pinched nerve in the 5th lumbar? That's what I've had for 20 years.

Tracie said...

Take good care of yourself. I hope today finds you at home resting on your heated mattress pad (I need one of those!). Enjoy the weekend with your sponsor and her hubby.

Alexis said...

What an awesome lady to have in your life! Take care of you and I hope your back gets better!

Scott W said...

Change can be tough, but gratitude will take us as far as we need to go.