Thursday Night

I came home from work today because my back is totally jacked. I woke up that way and then went out and ran, thinking it would get better. By the time I was driving to work this morning, I was actually yelling in my car it hurt so bad. I had a couple of meetings this morning that I didn't want to miss, so I went to work anyway. One of them was so bad, I left in tears. Trying my hardest to get to my office before I started sobbing. I managed to do that. Closed my office door and just wailed. Jesus. I still had another meeting to go. I managed to get through that one without crying and then came home. I was in bed (thank God for a heated mattress pad, which is like a huge heating pad) all afternoon.

Tomorrow I sincerely doubt that I am going to work. I hope to be able to get my back to calm down over the weekend. My sponsor and her husband are staying here tomorrow night. Then they are hitting the road. I am sincerely happy for them because I know they are happy about their decision to leave Denver. I am very sad for me because they will now be 300 miles away. I will visit them. In these days of cell phones, I can call just as much as I do now. But I won't see my Maureen once or twice a week, and she will not be just up the street.

I am extremely grateful that I have had the same job for 11 and a half years. They know me and know that I am not a wack case - so if I act like that for one day, it is not life threatening. I have an abundance of accumulated sick leave if I need it. I have good insurance and a good relationship with my primary care physician.

And most of all, I am grateful for a woman who has been my sponsor for over 11 years - over half of my sobriety. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever known. She is kind, and tough, and foul-mouthed, and prayerful. She is incredibly spiritual, and has both feet planted firmly on the ground. She is soft-spoken and sometimes has gravel in her voice. She is childlike, but is embarking on her retirement. She and I have gone head to head and argued and even yelled, but she has always told me she loves me and I know that she loves me, and I have always known that I love her, and told her so.

How can you ever ask for more than that?