It is a rather morbid Saturday Morning. It is ice, ice, ice cold outside, so I didn't go to a meeting as I usually do on Saturday mornings. I cleaned my guest bedroom so that my sponsor and her husband can stay here next week - on their last night in town before they move. I am so sad about them leaving. I am making Boston Baked Beans for their going away party tomorrow. That's what they asked me to bring. If it were up to me, I would have made a festive cheesecake, or baked a fantastic bread, or something more fun than a stupid pot of beans. I am sure the beans will be good though. I soaked them all night and they will bake all day today. And with enough molasses, anything is good, right?
My daughter is out running - not a morning run, but you know, "running." Her husband is at home with the kids and their phone is disconnected. Shit. Shit. Double and Triple Shit. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I was doing some of the same stuff when I was 27 years old, like she is. But this is not about me. For now, I am butting out because her step mother is on her way to get her and they are going to have a family meeting. She is a lawyer and very good with figuring out what to do and managing others... something I need NOT to do. I will be standing by to hear how I may or not be involved in any future planning.
In cleaning out the guest bedroom, I came across years of accumluated stuff. I put out some pictures of my parents, a cute picture of me and my dad with matching hats, pictures of me with my kids when they were little, etc. I don't want to sound TOO morbid, but it really has been a good life. Amazing what happens when you stay sober, one day at a time, as the months, years, and decades accumulate.
There is heartbreak where there is joy. When you allow yourself to love someone else, you open your heart to pain. But I can be grateful to be fully alive and able love and feel pain as well as joy.