I am grateful to be starting a new decade. My third in sobriety. I entered the 90s at 5 years of sobriety - and they started out rather chaotic, and settled into happy, but maybe grim determination to clean up the wreckage of the past. I had massive debt - to child support, to social security, to regular old debtors. I paid them all. I went back to college. I started a job. Etc. You have all heard this story.
By the dawning of the 00s (how goony does that sound, what are we going to call this decade???) I was sober 15 years, was just about to get my bachelors degree, owned my first home, my daughter was pregnant with her first child, and life was good. It seemed that life held unlimited promise for me. I honestly felt that the sky was the limit. I thought I was limited only by my self-limiting thoughts and my willingness to work.
In this decade I have been humbled by world events that have impacted my financial situation which have impacted my plans for retirement. Plans! HA! Again! HA! I have been humbled by a body that seems to understand that it is aging even if my emotions do not. I have been humbled by my own career limitations. And I am clear they are innately my own. And as much as I am loathe to write about this, I have been humbled by a couple of disastrous romantic relationships that seemed to be of the "happily ever after" variety. (but instead turned into the "I will have to call the police if you don't leave here because you are frightening me" variety.)
The good news is - I think I may finally be "right sized" which is a major feat for an alcoholic. Most days are extremely peaceful for me. I have friends and family who I love and who love me back. I have no enemies. I came close to having a resentment in the last couple of weeks, but avoided it - I have no resentments.
So last night I got to run a 5K - which is a fabulous way to spend New Years Eve. Running around Washington Park with that humongous Blue Moon hanging in the sky was utterly fabulous. I was with friends who are actually good runners, so it was a trifle embarrassing to have them waiting at the finish line for so long for me in the cold. It was COLD. And ICY. And dinner afterwards was great. A great huge bison burger with chili pepper onion strings and horseradish sauce... yummmm.
I need to be in church in a few minutes, so I better get out of these jammies and out of here!
Happy New Year Everyone.
May it be filled with 365 amazing sober days for all of us.
Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. XXXOOO, MC