I have a job interview tomorrow. Tonight I am whitening my teeth, doing my own manicure and facial, trying on suits, etc. I don't even want this job... I don't want to leave my current job. I applied for this one in the midst of the insecurities of the lay-offs - when I didn't know if I would have a job, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. Then there was a test involved because this job is heavily reliant on statistics. There were 5 questions. I could not answer 2 because I did not know how to do one function in SPSS. I explained that, but figured that out of 9 applicants, I would not make the top 3 - not answering 40% of the test! Imagine my shock when I was informed that I made the top 3. So, now I have an interview. And I want to just show up dressed like a slob, but I won't. (the last job I interviewed for, I was offered but decided I didn't want.)
Do you want to know something? I haven't worn high heels since September 30. On that day, I had a pair of particularly high ones on. High spiky sandals. I got out of my car in the morning and was greeted by such pain and limped so painfully that someone came along and helped me into the building. When I got into my office I put on a pair of running shoes I keep in my office. I have been afraid of wearing heels since then. I even bought a new pair of boots and they have little flat heels - and they are super cute.
And since it is snowing and arcticly (leave me alone blogger - it is a word if I say it is!) cold, I am going to wear my new boots with one of my suits which I will decide on tomorrow morning. Well, if I decide to wear my brown suit, I will not wear my black boots. But If I decide on any of my black suits, I will wear them, or one of my two green suits.
This is my way of avoiding talking about what is what is really on my mind. My sponsor is very ill. I have to trust God that no matter what happens we will all be OK. But I have a way I would prefer this to turn out. I can be grateful that I have this wonderful woman in my life who I love so much. And I know loves me right back.
I thought about her a great deal today. And thought about how I would call her one of the most loving people I know. 90% of the people who know her wouldn't agree with me. She is not democratically loving. She isn't a big tolerator. She is a big truth-teller, which doesn't make her particularly popular. We have that in common. She is not easy. But you know when she tells you she loves you she means it. You know when she tells you that you are wonderful, that is the truth. She is not saying things for any particular agenda. She is telling you the truth. These are the kinds of people I would prefer to surround myself with. There aren't many. She has been hard, but I would rather have someone hard who expects a lot from me. I don't want someone who wants to sell me short.
I better shut up and go to bed. After I lube up my hands and place them into gloves for the night.
I think I will stay sober for the rest of today - and likely tomorrow too. I hope you will too. AA works. It really does.