Friday, January 22, 2010

Trust

Lately I am realizing that it takes a certain level of trust to blog. It sounds very odd to say that because my audience is the internet - I have absolutely no control over who reads my blog. However, I do usually write to an intended audience. My intended audience is mostly my frequent readers - the other bloggers, my friends. But as I can see from my site meter, most of my readers are people who get here by searching for information about Alcoholics Anonymous or "how to quit drinking" or "do people stay sober" etc. I take that very seriously. I see my role as pointing them to their local Alcoholics Anonymous organization. I am happy if they can use my blog to read about the adventures and misadventures of one person who happens to be a member of AA. I think that no matter what is going on, no matter what I am writing about, my ultimate message is that a person can stay sober, one day at a time, by the Grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, AA works.

Anyone who has known me for a while probably knows that I really love my job. Most people my age are counting down the days until retirement like a prisoner "X"ing off days on their calendars. I am trying to relish each day, I do not want to retire. I want to work as long as I possibly can. The last 5 months have been horrible at work. I feel that emotionally I am really feeling the fallout from 5 months of too much stress, too much grief, too much pain. Compound that with the fact that it is January, which I typically have a hard time with, and I am not really at my best right now.

So, what do I blog about - I don't want this to be a "dump" of all things unpleasant because I believe I have a responsibility not to do that. But I also take seriously a responsibility to be honest and not sugar coat things. I will not lie and say I feel great and happy, serene, peaceful, and content while I am sitting at my computer tearing my hair out.

Let's just say that I am facing a challenging time right now. Most of the time I am just fine. I try to do what I know to do. The most effective weapon against despair is "turning my thoughts to others," so I make an effort every day to do that. I know that God has led me through darker places in my life and that even though I do not feel his presence, it is here. To go any further to explain that would lead me down a road of my beliefs that are very specific to my religion and I don't do that on my blog either!

We bloggers have a pretty nice community. We generally treat each other with affection, care, and respect. There are always new additions and I think probably like at the gym, there are more newer ones at this time of the year. New sober bloggers generally tend to fall into two groups - those who are looking for answers and those who think they have the answers. All I want to do is share my experience, strength, and hope. I do not want others to come by and tell me what to do. It really irritates me. And when I go to your blog, I hope to read about your experience, strength, and hope. If your blog is a general treatise about being sober, and quotes all kinds of non-AA literature to support your opinions, I probably won't be back. If you are honestly sharing your experience, strength, and hope, you will find your blog on my sidebar and I will be back most every day.

I appreciate the risk that we take every day to share ourselves. We do get attacked. We learn to live through it. I have learned so much from my blogging friends. I appreciate you, that is what I want to say.

And if you are new to blogging, keep coming back.

13 comments:

Kim A. said...

January is a tough time for me physically as the lack of sun does a number on my innards, brain to be specific. I read your blog because it gives me hope that there is a life out there for my son, if he wants it. So I'll be back.

namaste

Lou said...

It does take a level of trust, along with not being too sensitive or vindictive. I hope I have helped some people, but actually I have learned the most about myself from blogging.

Garykfc said...

I just found your blog. Wonderful, Honest and I can see the what we have in common. I will keep coming back!

dAAve said...

The journey. It's all about the journey.
Have a free weekend and do something you've been wanting to do.

Syd said...

Thanks MC. I like the blogging community and feel a special closeness to those of us who honestly and, yes, fearlessly, express ourselves. Even though I haven't met any bloggers, I feel as if I know people through what they write.

Ed G. said...

Start to finish (whatever that will look like), this has been an amazing deal. I'm glad you're here and I feel privileged and honored to share the same blogosphere as you.

Blessings and aloha...

Mike said...

Thanks for you post.
I check in occasionally...and I always enjoy what I read (no, I am not pulling my hair out as I pretend life is wonderful!)
Keep up the good work and yes each of us in the AA Blog community do have a duty...I think it is part of giving back...sort of 12 stepping...in a way!

Scott W said...

It's the crazy time of year. We have had a suicide in our recovery community, people have slipped and there are lots of newcomers.

January is a big birthday month, too. That is something to celebrate!

Anonymous said...

Mary

This is my first time posting a comment. I found your blog by searching running and alcohol or some variation of those two words. I actually went back and read all your previous blogs, it took a while but I finally finished!

There are many reasons why I read your blog, mainly there are many similarities that I share with you on one level or another.

1) I hope one day my mom will admit she is an alcoholic and can be sober
2) Like you, my mom has 1 son and 2 daughters (my brother is in the service like your son)
3) I run, used to do marathons but no more. I would really like to do a triathlon some day.
4) Someone close to me is also in the medical records field
5) I am learning how to knit
6) Most important, I know I never want to be like my mom (or my grandmother who also was a heavy drinker)

So I hope on days even when you think you have nothing to say to still continue to blog.

One more thing, do you think you would ever consider posting your pizza recipe? It sounds so good. Actually all the food you make sounds great, including your pies! As you can tell I obsessed with food, which is why I do run, so I don’t become as big as a house!!!

Adrian

Carverlane said...

Sending good thoughts your way, MC...and I appreciate reading your daily blog so much. No matter what you write about!

Mary LA said...

My fellow bloggers inspire me -- it is a learning environment. Great support and consideration.

Anonymous said...

I am one of thoise people new to the blogging community. For the last week or so I've thought about starting my own blog as I really start my recovery from alcoholism. It helps me to talk out loud or to write down my thoughts...it makes me more able to sort them out. However, I've been hesitant because of the idea that putting it in a blog would make me vulnerable because I'd be publishing my story in a very accessible manner. A fear I've carried for much of my life, I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear what people would have to say... That is assuming that anyone read it and that my blogs would have something in them worth commenting on.

I want to thank you. Thank you for writing and thank you for being honest about being in a rough spot in your life. I hate it when people try to pretend that as soon as you get sober life is always great. I really enjoyed reading your blog and I plan to keep coming back.

Anonymous said...

Thank-you for sharing your journey it helps me heal.