Friday, July 22, 2011

July 23, 1984

Can you see the rainbow out there? It was so pretty, I just had to stop while on my trail run to fish my phone out of my pocket and take a photo.

Here's some snippets from my journal posted on the last day I drank:
"Mary is smoking and here sits a bottle of Bud, and here lies my flaccid belly on my legs. Life's a bitch. What about me? I've fallen apart. All my dreams and good intentions left in the mountains. I'm really angry that I am left holding the bag for all the shit in our lives.... It doesn't appear I have any options. We are becoming low-life scums. Life's a bitch."
I edited out a lot of complaining about my husband. I was pretty focused on him. I blamed him for the fact that I was living in Denver, Colorado - which I thought was the worst place on earth. I thought I was drinking because I was in Denver. As if I hadn't been drinking every single day for eighteen years prior! I had no idea that the next day I would make the call to AA and find a home in AA and in Denver, Colorado. A home unlike any I had never known before.

When I was sober five years, a friend and I left an AA dance and drove to Lookout Mountain. I looked out over this city and realized for the first time that it was Home, with a capital H. Because I got sober here. I had never felt that anyplace was home prior to this. I moved around a lot and always felt like a transplant. But because I got sober in Denver, this was my Real Home. I learned my way around this city by carrying a folding city map and going to AA meetings all over town.

My daughter said it better than I can right now. She posted this on facebook the other day: "Life is filled w/ choices, I am so grateful for all those bad choices I've made in the past bcuz TODAY I walk strong & carry a powerful message of REAL hope & courage to people crying where I once cried."

That's my girl.

I am so grateful for every bad choice I have ever made because God used them to bring me to this place. And I like it here A LOT!

xoxoxox, MC


Steve E said...

Also I kept a log, beginning two weeks before I stopped drinking. So grateful for that.

And bad choices put me in this fine place where today I reside. God is good!

Lou said...

Made me smile. Even the sad part.

dAAve said...

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

hAAppy AAniversAAry.

Pammie said...

God is so amazing. YOU are so amazing. Our daughters.....they are SO FREAKIN' AMAZING.
I'm lovin' you from afar.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

YAY Rainbow! YAY God! YAY Mary Christine!

This post and your attitude, well they just rock!

Jeremy said...

Sounds perfect! What a gorgeous view!

My family all live in and around Denver. Whenever I visit I am deeply moved by God's creativy and the awesome canvas he has in that area

Syd said...

I am so glad for you. You make so many good choices now because you have a path to follow in sobriety. Happy birthday MC!