Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Finding my Way

I need a rose today.  I wish I could smell them.  This photo is now almost 4 years old.  I wonder how many times I have used it here - it is one of my favorites.  Two pretty roses, a bud vase, and my favorite tablecloth.

My new job has changed my life dramatically.  It is exciting and I am grateful, let me say that first.  But, oh my goodness!  The number of hours I have put in over the last week is just ridiculous!  And I started out tired from finishing up my old job.  I have not worked out in over a week now - with the exception of a 2 mile walk on Saturday.  I don't know where I will squeeze it in.  I don't have time in the morning and I am too tired at night.

I worked all day Sunday and for 11 hours yesterday to get my first project finished.  It was due at 3:30 yesterday and I didn't get it finished until 5:38.  I spent several hours feeling quite sick while trying to finish it.  I was fighting those drunk feelings - the guilt and feeling like a f***-up.  I HAD to fight those feelings because they are not productive.

Oh, and I don't have time to blog in the morning and I am too tired at night too.

I don't know where God finds time to help me with things like this, but I know he always has.  I will ask for his help and go out with confidence that it is "under control."


Anonymous said...

Using old photos will save you a minute..LOL

Sweet Mary, you sound a bit flustered. Hoping it settles down. I stayed in my pj's Sunday, and it was good.

Anonymous said...

I could almost smell those roses! I miss mine too. You have been under an extraordianry amount of stress recently. I hope you can take a moment to take care of yourself. You may not be able to invest in that long run or workout, but stay aware for the moments God puts in your path to enjoy a ray of sunshine or take a nice refreshing deep breath. Hope I do not sound too preachy here, I just know what it is like to be burning the candle at both ends, while learning something new, and running against deadlines. Saying a prayer that things will smooth out for you very soon.
Love, Patty

dAAve said...

I'm sure that things will "settle out" soon (maybe a few years LOL). You will begin the process of forming a new routine, based on new time frames.
Until then, just continue to be a Broncos fan.

Annette said...

Oh MC...here is a big (((HUG))) Its all I have to offer.

Syd said...

There is a learning curve. Much to get used to. I know that you can do this. I think of the Just For Today prayer when I get in a bind.

Anonymous said...

Been reading your blog...you've come along way. And, I am truly impressed with all that you have accomplished thus far...gives me alot of inspiration. For me when I am struggling in HALT...I have to remember to try and take care of myself...and recognize the facts...take extra care...and be gentle on myself mentally and physically in the process. Sometimes difficult I know. You are in my prayers and appreciate your ESH on your blog. Hope to be a regular viewer and poster. Take care.

Pammie said...

Oh sugar!!
New is so scarey and tiring. Hang on.

Harry said...

This is the first time I ever visited one of these blogs. Very interesting. Maybe something I could get into myself. I was searching "10,000 days" on Google. That brought me here. I also sobered up in '84. I will reach 10,000 days in April. I did the math and by some freaky coincidence my ten thousandth sober day lands on my wife's birthday. She's not in the program. She's normal. We raised two kids and sent them off into the world. Neither my wife or the kids have ever seen me take a drink. (The kids from my first marriage sure have seen me drink, though.)
My wife is not part of my program of recovery. It is too personal of a thing for me to share with someone who doesn't understand. She's just happy that I don't drink, and she doesn't know what all is involved.
My friends at the Alano Club know every detail about my alcoholism and my recovery.
I kinda wish that a "10,000-day" medallion was available