Tuesday, January 17, 2012
What shall I write when the world is so grey?
Yesterday I went to work to put my head down and seriously get some stuff done. I got some good writing done. It felt good. I got to write about Type I errors as opposed to Type II errors, and hypothesized that Type I errors lead to Type II errors because of Alert Fatigue. How many warning labels do you ignore every day? We have to or we would go mad. The insanity of inserting worries about the dangers of drinking shampoo when we never even considered drinking it! Or, right here on my desk is a tube of foot therapy cream - it warns me "Do not apply in eyes." Really?
I left work feeling wonderful and decided to go to a movie. I left the movie thinking that I should have never quit smoking because I do not want to live long enough to end up like Margaret Thatcher. Why would you take the life of such an exceptional woman (whether or not you agree with her politics) and focus on an old lonely woman with dementia - having conversations with her dead husband? I am so unhappy about that movie!
For an astute reader, you may read the above three paragraphs and say "Seasonal Affective Disorder!" And I would say to you, "BINGO!"
Here is the good news:
I am sober.
I know that my relationship with God cannot be gauged by my "feelings."
I also know that "This too shall pass."
I have been down this road many times and have a pretty good clue about what to do.
I have my quarterly appointment with a therapist this afternoon.
I have a job that gets me out of this house and into a world full of other people.
I will turn my thoughts to others, because in the end, that is the ONLY thing I know that helps me when I am feeling this grey winter feeling. And those "others" can be anyone. It doesn't have to be an alcoholic. There are suffering people where I work too.
Today I will endeavor to stop thinking about ME and how I FEEL and turn to God and my fellows. In gratitude.