Tuesday, January 17, 2012

What shall I write when the world is so grey?

In the dead of winter... there is no color.  It is too cold and icy to get outside most days.  I did get out on Saturday morning with a friend from my running club - which was on its one week hiatus between winter and "spring" sessions.   There are too many "resolutioners" at the gym - I cannot go there until February at the earliest.  I feel bound by weather and circumstances.  This is when I normally go to the tanning salon.  It helps - greatly.  But I am not going to buy a membership for a place I will only have access to for one more week - when my life changes as I change jobs.  Oh, it just occurred to me that I could purchase a couple day pass... and I think I will.  I know it is bad for my skin, but it does wonders for my mood.

Yesterday I went to work to put my head down and seriously get some stuff done.  I got some good writing done.  It felt good.  I got to write about Type I errors as opposed to Type II errors, and hypothesized that Type I errors lead to Type II errors because of Alert Fatigue.  How many warning labels do you ignore every day?  We have to or we would go mad.  The insanity of inserting worries about the dangers of drinking shampoo when we never even considered drinking it!  Or, right here on my desk is a tube of foot therapy cream - it warns me "Do not apply in eyes."  Really?

I left work feeling wonderful and decided to go to a movie.  I left the movie thinking that I should have never quit smoking because I do not want to live long enough to end up like Margaret Thatcher.   Why would you take the life of such an exceptional woman (whether or not you agree with her politics) and focus on an old lonely woman with dementia - having conversations with her dead husband?  I am so unhappy about that movie!

For an astute reader, you may read the above three paragraphs and say "Seasonal Affective Disorder!"  And I would say to you, "BINGO!"

Here is the good news:
I am sober.
I know that my relationship with God cannot be gauged by my "feelings."
I also know that "This too shall pass."
I have been down this road many times and have a pretty good clue about what to do.
I have my quarterly appointment with a therapist this afternoon.
I have a job that gets me out of this house and into a world full of other people.

I will turn my thoughts to others, because in the end, that is the ONLY thing I know that helps me when I am feeling this grey winter feeling.  And those "others" can be anyone.  It doesn't have to be an alcoholic.  There are suffering people where I work too.

Today I will endeavor to stop thinking about ME and how I FEEL and turn to God and my fellows.  In gratitude.


Hope said...

libergeA tanning bed must work like my lightbox does. It makes a huge difference in my mood and I use it for 6 to 7 months of the year. That and Vitamin D3. Without those two things I'm not sure what my mental state would be by this time of the year. Especially with -38C for temperatures right now.

Mary LA said...

Wishing I could send you my sunshine for a few hours.

dAAve said...

It's still relatively green here in Houston in spite of the severe drought we're still experiencing.

I'm glad we can agree to disagree on that movie. I have always been a huge fan of Maggie. As she nears the end, she reminds me somewhat of my own mother. maybe that's the connection I have to the film. But the movie brought back some wonderful memories of my life in England.

Enjoy your day, my dear.

Syd said...

Type I and type II errors have enormous consequences when it comes to health care, drug testing, etc. And you know how important sample size is in determining significance. I like to write and think statistics!

I don't think that I will go to see the movie on Mrs. Thatcher. I will wait for the DVD.

Anonymous said...

Sunshine to you MC

shadowlands said...

I like the sound of a light box. I don't have any particular fondness for Magaret Thatcher.

I did seriously drink shampoo, more than once, as a kid........

Annette said...

Your story about the foot creme made me lol. Thank you for that. We are expecting our *first* good rain storm this season tomorrow....I can barely wait! I've been planning what I will wear even! lol We have had NO winter thus far.

It seems that something is going to kill us...whether its bacon, dairy, eggs...it might as well be the tanning bed! At least we will have that glow.

Bless your heart today, really good.

Furtheron said...

you do get some great warnings out there... my Mum had cream for her piles when she wasn't well towards the end... I read the leaflet since she was on so many things I tried to keep up to help her... "not to be eaten" was I think the warning!!!

Mrs Thatcher - well I certainly didn't always see eye to eye with the "blessed Margaret" as my Economics teacher at school called her the day after her election victory... she put my Dad out of work, my Aunt, my Sister, my Father-in-law (indirectly through the denationalisation of BP who instantly offshored his job), many of my neighbours etc.

I know some of her friends are livid about the portrayal of her as the old lady - she isn't not they claim like that at all and that is all an awful fiction.... to be honest, I'll not watch it at all - my Dad died at 59 only a year after losing his job of over 40 years from a heart attack - I shouldn't hold resentment I know but it isn't easy even after 28 years

Lou said...

I took a picture for my blog, and it looked just like that. I didn't post it, I thought it looked that way because I didn't have the lighting right on my camera;)

Your contribution to health care will be sorely missed. The details, like Syd said, are very important!!

SoberHere said...

Hi Mary Christine, I love your blog. I read your blog every day, and I was sober for five years. I stopped doing the right things, like reading your blog, going to meetings, etc. and I drank. Now I've been sober for a month. My greatest challenge is asking for help. I need a sponsor, and I have asked, but haven't found the right one yet. Pray for me. All the best to you!

Mary Christine said...

Lou, I often take pictures straight into the sun in the winter. I think it perfectly portrays the strange light.

Pammie said...

I think as long as you DON'T put the foot cream in your eye, you will be fine.
I'm thinking of you winding down your duties at your job and I know it must be exciting!