Saturday, January 21, 2012
I did "mist up" a couple of times. There were a couple of speeches by people I love and respect. They both talked about how much I always had my focus on the safety of patients. If I had thought about what legacy I would have liked to have had - that would have been it. I really never thought about "my legacy." But I always knew my mission there was to make things better/more safe for the patients. I know that line staff tend to think of people in the offices, "the suits," as people who are only thinking of numbers but I never thought ONLY of numbers - only how those affected the patients. I am so gratified to know that this was noticed.
I got some gifts, some extremely touching cards, and we had lots of food. It was very nice. There is a photo that I will treasure forever - the Medical Director has been pouting for 2 weeks, since I gave notice - he couldn't walk into my office without having a little breakdown when he saw the boxes of my belongings all over the place. We stood together at my party and made crying faces. I love him and will miss him very much.
When I ran my first marathon, I was advised by my coach not to allow myself to cry in the last mile or two. Simply because it takes too much energy. I have cried at half-marathons and have felt wiped out and nutty. When you get to the end of a long race you have spent months or years training for, it is extremely emotional. I have crossed finish lines having virtual breakdowns. And I have crossed finish lines with my arms in the air and a smile on my face - and I have to say I would much prefer to finish with my arms in the air and a smile on my face. It is WAY more fun. And although I sometimes think my emotions are out of my control, it really IS my choice how I want to finish a race.
If I look at my job as a marathon that I have spent 17 and a half years running, I know that I am not yet done. I have two more days. I have a lot to get done in 2 days. I cannot possibly allow myself to fall apart at this time. I will have time to cry AFTER I leave. But truly, I think I would rather walk out of there with a smile on my face. Because I do feel good about my career there.
I am going out for the first run of the "spring" session of my running club this morning. I am so happy to be doing something that is not work or relationship related. And then a birthday party this afternoon of a dear friend.
It is going to be a great day. I am grateful I don't have an emotional hangover from yesterday!
"Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 133