Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I ruined my blog!!!!
I am knitting the above socks for a friend's birthday. But because of my blog and pictures I have posted here, I realized that I knitted her a pair of green socks for her birthday last year! I thought it was a couple of years ago, but I was perusing last year's posts over the weekend and saw that it was just one year ago. So, I am thinking I am going to purchase her something (like normal people do), and keep these babies for myself. I haven't kept a pair of hand-knitted socks for myself for years now. Of all the things I knit, socks are my favorite.
My boyfriend and I have been having some "growing pains," we have had some very difficult conversations in the last couple of days. Last night I think we resolved these issues. It took me two hours to stop shaking after we got off the phone. At one point while we were talking, I was shaking so badly I could hardly speak. I had to tell him that I was shaking, how embarrassing. I was shocked to be so profoundly shaken by this.
Some things never get easier. But they do get to be possible. And I guess that is the good news. My nature is to walk away rather than have a conversation where I will shake so badly I can hardly speak. Or going back farther, my nature is to apply alcohol and have a rip-roaring conversation that he would never forget!
Yesterday at work, I finally cried about leaving. I went to yet another meeting for the last time. I no longer have to announce that I am leaving, because everyone knows. The committee thanked me for my service over the years - I think it is 13 or 14 years that I have been on the committee - and I have missed maybe 2 or 3 meetings over all those years! I smiled and told them it has been a pleasure, which I really believe. After the meeting, the physician on the committee sent me an e-mail letting me know that she had finished a huge task for me as a going away gift, and she told me that she will miss me terribly. I will miss her too. I do work with some lovely people and I will miss them.
OK, this is enough out of me! Sometimes I mistake my blog for a journal, and I have frequently regretted that. People will know things about me that I consider my deepest darkest thoughts - but then I remember that I have put it out here for all the world to see. But then, I do get to use my blog as a record - when I wonder what happened last year, I do go back to my blog to see. Sometimes I embed little tidbits in cryptic language that only I will know what it means. Just to keep a record.
So, I will step out into the world for another day. Knowing that God is keeping me in the palm of his hand. I may not see or feel that hand, but I know that it is there.