Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I ruined my blog!!!!

Last night I was fooling around with my blog  because I want to have the "reply to comment" feature that Pammie has.  I know that she is having problems with her comments, but I haven't had any problem with commenting on her blog.  I want that reply thing!  And I have no idea how to get it.  In the process of trying, I inadvertently changed the design of my blog, which hurt me.  I have kept my blog the same for years and years, I loved the starkness of it.  I may really play with it now - who knows, tomorrow it may be pink with flowers!

I am knitting the above socks for a friend's birthday.  But because of my blog and pictures I have posted here, I realized that I knitted her a pair of green socks for her birthday last year!  I thought it was a couple of years ago, but I was perusing last year's posts over the weekend and saw that it was just one year ago.  So, I am thinking I am going to purchase her something (like normal people do), and keep these babies for myself. I haven't kept a pair of hand-knitted socks for myself for years now.   Of all the things I knit, socks are my favorite.

My boyfriend and I have been having some "growing pains," we have had some very difficult conversations in the last couple of days.  Last night I think we resolved these issues.  It took me two hours to stop shaking after we got off the phone.  At one point while we were talking, I was shaking so badly I could hardly speak.  I had to tell him that I was shaking, how embarrassing.  I was shocked to be so profoundly shaken by this.

Some things never get easier.  But they do get to be possible.  And I guess that is the good news.  My nature is to walk away rather than have a conversation where I will shake so badly I can hardly speak.  Or going back farther, my nature is to apply alcohol and have a rip-roaring conversation that he would never forget!  

Yesterday at work, I finally cried about leaving.  I went to yet another meeting for the last time.  I no longer have to announce that I am leaving, because everyone knows.  The committee thanked me for my service over the years - I think it is 13 or 14 years that I have been on the committee - and I have missed maybe 2 or 3 meetings over all those years!  I smiled and told them it has been a pleasure, which I really believe.  After the meeting, the physician on the committee sent me an e-mail letting me know that she had finished a huge task for me as a going away gift, and she told me that she will miss me terribly.  I will miss her too.  I do work with some lovely people and I will miss them.

OK, this is enough out of me!  Sometimes I mistake my blog for a journal, and I have frequently regretted that.  People will know things about me that I consider my deepest darkest thoughts - but then I remember that I have put it out here for all the world to see.   But then, I do get to use my blog as a record - when I wonder what happened last year, I do go back to my blog to see.  Sometimes I embed little tidbits in cryptic language that only I will know what it means.  Just to keep a record.

So, I will step out into the world for another day.  Knowing that God is keeping me in the palm of his hand.  I may not see or feel that hand, but I know that it is there.


AnyEdge said...

I don't think it's ruined! Looks great.

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes! You must keep those socks for yourself! The blog does not look that different, I like the red contrast. I hate the thought of you shaking like that, but it sounds like this relationship is causing you to walk through some fire. Never easy. You should be very proud of your accomplishments at your almost former job, I am proud of you.

Zenberger said...

Just started a new blog and would love some support. I have read through pages and pages of your blog and really enjoyed it. Got some ideas from you and are now on my way with my own. Check it out if you get a chance and again thanks for the support.


Jeremy said...

I like the new look. always fun to change it up. i'm glad to hear that you made it through the rough conversations, I too like to run away from them - thank God I'm not alone and choose to face them now as best I can

Have a great day!

Simply Me said...

I also struggle with the blog versus journal details. It's comforting to know I'm not alone with that inner struggle. Not always easy, but has helped me tremendously with my own recovery. We never know who we might touch with our honesty and openiness.

Thank you for sharing you, I really appreicate it and get a lot out of your blog.

ScottF said...

sometimes life is just a little messy and we get through it :-)

Syd said...

I think that it looks good too. I like the format actually.
Having a love relationship can be trying at times. I have felt that shaking before too. But it's important to air things and talk them through. It's holding stuff inside that really starts to spoil all the good stuff.

Lou said...

Change! It's so unsettling.

dAAve said...

The format look jsut fine.
All is well.
It's OK to write whatever you wish on your own blog.
Silly ghurl!

Pammie said...

1. I really don't know if I've ever even seen a pair of knitted socks.
2. I did not put the reply thing on there, it's what happened when I switched to FireFox. Syd told me to change it to pop up so it would work for everyone. I did that this morning.
3. I HATE shaky conversations....where our whole body is involved in a conversation.
4. Lovin' you from afar.

Daisyanon said...

I like the new look, it's good, but still has that soothing minimalist look.

I did a similar thing with my blog recently. Thought I would play with the new templates and lost my original. (My own fault).

I like my new look now, and even though I have discovered how to change back I will keep the new version.